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Posts Tagged ‘Louis Walsh’

‘Ebola’ bookies favourite to win Britain’s Got Talent

a new superstar to consume the public's hearts and mindsThe odds of a non-UK resident winning series eight of the ever popular talent show have dramatically shortened today, with the late entry of an outbreak of virulent hemorrhagic fever from Guinea.

Seen as ‘more photogenic than SuBo’, the virus promises to be just as ‘virulent as Diversity’, as ‘deadly as Paul Potts’ and guaranteed to cause ‘more internal bleeding’ than Jai McDowall’s last album. The 2012 BGT tour was axed due to low ticket sales, but EBOV is committed to ‘filling emergency rooms up and down the land’.

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Posted: Apr 1st, 2014
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‘Britain’s Got Judges’ uncovering the best new talent show judges

Louis Walsh didn't even make Boot Camp‘Judging is my dream. I’ve been judging in pubs and clubs for years now and this is my last chance. This means everything to me. If only me nan was here…’

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Posted: Dec 10th, 2013
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Al-Qaeda postpones terror campaign until end of Strictly and X-Factor

bombing Dusseldorf to wait until Anne's danced the rumbaAl-Qaeda is struggling to secure sufficient numbers of bombers during the current series of Strictly Come Dancing and X-Factor.

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Posted: Nov 25th, 2013
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One Direction film goes through UCAS clearing

there must be a scholarship for what they doThe University Clearing Service UCAS has confirmed a late application for a Music Technology BSc at the University of Bedfordshire from One Direction. Wary that fickle fame might desert them, the Anglo-Irish pop band admitted they needed to ‘get serious’ after what they described as a very enjoyable gap year. However, UCAS administrators had some reservations about the number of tariff points accumulated from the boys’ scant collection of mediocre GCSEs, used panties and coloured bits of string.

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Posted: Aug 22nd, 2013
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Embassies on ‘red alert’ as Westlife hints at Comeback Tour

‘All early indications suggest that Manilow and ABBA medleys will soon be unleashed on an unsuspecting public’, warned Twitter UK boss, Tony Wang.

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Posted: Aug 6th, 2013
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