‘We were convinced that by converting all Word documents into Wingdings no-one would be able to work out what our messages were’ said Director General Jonathan Evans, ‘but it seems as if the KGB’s top code-cracking unit (or maybe a ten year old boy) has cracked the code by converting it back into Arial, or Times New Roman perhaps.’

‘We may have to change to using Webdings instead’ he added, ‘oh whoops, shouldn’t have told you that should I…’