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Posts Tagged ‘Manchester United’

Neptune cleared over World Cup bid irregularities

Pluto being lined up for 2026, if the price is rightFIFA announced this morning that their internal inquiry has formally cleared the successful 2022 World Cup bid from the planet Neptune of all corruption charges. ‘This is great news,’ explained Tharak the Mighty, one of the Neptunian sentient gas beings that fronted the bid. ‘This should finally put to bed all the allegations and lies that have been made against us’.

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Posted: Nov 13th, 2014
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Miliband asks for ten years to fix Manchester United

Time's upIn a bold statement of intent, the Labour Leader Ed Miliband has set out a ten-year plan to reverse the damage done by successive managers at Old Trafford. Whilst many of his critics suggested that a decent centre half and holding midfielder would be sufficient, a Labour spokesman insisted it would take a long-term economic plan to improve results, clone Ryan Giggs and change the word ‘United’ to ‘City’ on the stationery.

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Posted: Sep 23rd, 2014
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Moyes takes Fellaini on loan to help out around house

In a surprise transfer deadline day move Manchester United have agreed to let midfielder Marouane Fellaini go out on a season long loan to the their ex-manager David Moyes.

‘I’ve worked with Marouane at two clubs’ said Moyes today ‘and I’ve always found him to be a very useful. The fans at Manchester United don’t seem to appreciate him so I thought he might like to join me for a loan-spell and help with some odd-jobs about the place.

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Posted: Sep 3rd, 2014
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Manchester United crowds to be banned from looking at scores

"Moyes, Moyyyyess!"In a move designed to avoid discontent among fans and shareholders, Manchester United officials have taken the unprecedented decision to ban tablets, laptops and anything else that might bring about access to the league table from within the hallowed portals Old Trafford.

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Posted: Aug 15th, 2014
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Referees to use nail guns to keep feet behind vanishing foam

The FA will ensure that Premier League referees will be better equipped to handle encroachment at free-kicks for the coming season, with the introduction of ‘heavy-duty nail guns’, Chief Executive Richard Scudamore announced today.

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Posted: Aug 7th, 2014
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