‘Negotiations were very tense,’ admitted the club’s chief executive, Ed Woodward. ‘We tried to haggle but their agent, John, didn’t seem in the mood and we needed to do the deal before Chelsea and Real Madrid got involved.’
Posted: Jan 21st, 2015
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Last night’s Premier League fixture between Manchester United and Crystal Palace was abandoned after it turned out that neither team had brought a football with them.
“We’re very upset”, Palace manager Neil Warnock stated, “because last season we took our own ball to Old Trafford and they promised they would bring the ball next time.”
Posted: Nov 29th, 2014
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FIFA announced this morning that their internal inquiry has formally cleared the successful 2022 World Cup bid from the planet Neptune of all corruption charges.
Posted: Nov 13th, 2014
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In a bold statement of intent, the Labour Leader Ed Miliband has set out a ten-year plan to reverse the damage done by successive managers at Old Trafford. Whilst many of his critics suggested that a decent centre half and holding midfielder would be sufficient, a Labour spokesman insisted it would take a long-term economic plan to improve results, clone Ryan Giggs and change the word ‘United’ to ‘City’ on the stationery.
Posted: Sep 23rd, 2014
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In a surprise transfer deadline day move Manchester United have agreed to let midfielder Marouane Fellaini go out on a season long loan to the their ex-manager David Moyes.
‘I’ve worked with Marouane at two clubs’ said Moyes today ‘and I’ve always found him to be a very useful. The fans at Manchester United don’t seem to appreciate him so I thought he might like to join me for a loan-spell and help with some odd-jobs about the place.
Posted: Sep 3rd, 2014
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