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Posts Tagged ‘Manchester’

Gangsters to create 300 new jobs in Manchester

Manchester’s premier criminal syndicate has announced it will be opening up three hundred new positions in their local gangs in the area. New applicants should apply in the back alley of Tibb Street, knock three times on the door and say the password ‘Lotusflower’.

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Posted: Feb 26th, 2012
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Scrap Thieves Steal Salford

‘The northern city of Manchester has today been left devastated by the theft of its twin city of Salford.

‘It probably happened over the weekend’ surmised , Manchester resident Peter Fielding ‘To be fair, I don’t think anyone else had noticed.’ he added. ‘You sort of expect things to be safe in your own backyard, so to speak, don’t you? I realised someone had lifted it when I was dumping me Tesco’s trolley in the Irwell Trolley Park.’

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Posted: Feb 25th, 2011
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New family in Coronation Street to ‘keep themselves to themselves’

new residents living in fear of Bet Lynch mobThe Glazebrooks, a family of three who last week moved into a semi-detached house in Coronation Street, say they have little interest in getting involved with the community in their new home in Weatherfield.

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Posted: Feb 11th, 2011
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Mancunian market traders undercut Government with £4.99 I.D. Cards

Government plans to trial the controversial biometric card scheme in Manchester next year are in disarray, following promises from local market traders to offer I.D. cards at a fraction of the £30 Government asking price…

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Posted: May 7th, 2009
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Mugging of pensioner ‘was worth it’ admit police

A pensioner in Manchester was robbed for an amount that police have been forced to admit made the crime definitely worth the risk of being caught. No violence was actually involved and the robber was lucky enough to have picked a victim who happened to be carrying over five thousand pounds in cash as he walked home from the building society.

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Posted: Oct 6th, 2007
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