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New Facebook glasses mean you never have to see a real person again
‘These glasses are an important step towards my ultimate ambition,’ said Facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg, ‘the complete destruction of normal human relations.’ [read...]
Tagged Mark Zuckerberg
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Facebook offers fully automated profiles for morons
Facebook is set to offer fully automated profiles by the end of next year. Users who lack the will to update their status in person at odd intervals will be able to pre-select a lifetime’s worth of status updates that will automatically be posted to their profiles. [read...]
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Facebook now to include the ‘secret of fire’
Pleased by the success of including hashtagging within their social network, Facebook Chief Operating Officer Sheryl Sandberg has decided to roll out a further series of innovative technological advances. First amongst these will be to give Facebook members the ability to rub together two sticks to generate something akin to the “rapid oxidation of a material”. [read...]
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Furious Facebook investors pacified by amusing picture of kitten
As its share value continued to plummet towards zero in its first week of trading, social media giant Facebook has seen off a major revolt by thousands of furious shareholders by issuing a series of heartwarming and whimsical posts featuring kittens and other adorable internet memes. [read...]
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Egyptian hieroglyphs ‘were early examples of Facebook status updates’
‘If a pharaoh wanted to let his friends know how he was, he’d just instant message them by carving a status update like ‘wavy line, owl, big eye, smiley face’ onto his wall.’ [read...]