Pleased by the success of including hashtagging within their social network, Facebook Chief Operating Officer Sheryl Sandberg has decided to roll out a further series of innovative technological advances. First amongst these will be to give Facebook members the ability to rub together two sticks to generate something akin to the “rapid oxidation of a material”.
Posted: Jun 13th, 2013
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As its share value continued to plummet towards zero in its first week of trading, social media giant Facebook has seen off a major revolt by thousands of furious shareholders by issuing a series of heartwarming and whimsical posts featuring kittens and other adorable internet memes.
Shares in the company were initially made available at $39 each last week. But they plummeted to barely $35 within hours of trading, as new shareholders logged onto Facebook for the first time. ‘I couldn’t believe it. It was just a bunch of solipsistic ramblings and inane platitudes being ascribed to the Dalai Lama,’ bemoaned first-time investor Alex Joseph. ‘All for $39 a pop. Thank you very much Mark fuckin’ Zuckerberg.’
Posted: May 29th, 2012
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‘These glasses are an important step towards my ultimate ambition,’ said Facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg, ‘the complete destruction of normal human relations.’
Posted: Apr 16th, 2012
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‘If a pharaoh wanted to let his friends know how he was, he’d just instant message them by carving a status update like ‘wavy line, owl, big eye, smiley face’ onto his wall.’
Posted: Sep 28th, 2011
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Tom Anderson, founder of the once-popular social networking site Myspace, has announced via Twitter that he is expecting Hollywood to make a film about him, for some reason.
Posted: Dec 5th, 2010
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