‘These glasses are an important step towards my ultimate ambition,’ said Facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg, ‘the complete destruction of normal human relations.’
Posted: Apr 16th, 2013
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‘If a pharaoh wanted to let his friends know how he was, he’d just instant message them by carving a status update like ‘wavy line, owl, big eye, smiley face’ onto his wall.’
Posted: Sep 22nd, 2012
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As its share value continued to plummet towards zero in its first week of trading, social media giant Facebook has seen off a major revolt by thousands of furious shareholders by issuing a series of heartwarming and whimsical posts featuring kittens and other adorable internet memes.
Shares in the company were initially made available at $39 each last week. But they plummeted to barely $35 within hours of trading, as new shareholders logged onto Facebook for the first time. ‘I couldn’t believe it. It was just a bunch of solipsistic ramblings and inane platitudes being ascribed to the Dalai Lama,’ bemoaned first-time investor Alex Joseph. ‘All for $39 a pop. Thank you very much Mark fuckin’ Zuckerberg.’
Posted: May 29th, 2012
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‘By comparing profile information, smiley face usage and posts about their horoscope, we can tell you which people you might as well cut dead now.’
Posted: Dec 13th, 2011
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Tom Anderson, founder of the once-popular social networking site Myspace, has announced via Twitter that he is expecting Hollywood to make a film about him, for some reason.
Posted: Dec 5th, 2010
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