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Posts Tagged ‘Mary Berry’

Cameron calls for calm in the worsening Bake Off conflict

Tart!The UN is calling for air-strikes to intervene after Diana Beard, a 69 year-old WI activist from Shropshire, was filmed taking a bearded combatant’s ice-cream out of the freezer during the Great British Bake Off.

‘It was only for 40 seconds or so,’ she protested to UN observers. Billionaire Peace Envoy Tony Blair tweeted from the safety of his villa in Tuscany, ’45 seconds is all it takes. We cannot stand idly by. #ToldYouSo #MyPlaceInHistory.’

President Obama, in an unusually hawkish mood issued a statement stating that ‘Atrocities against baked Alaska are just unacceptable’. More swiftly than usual he decisively did nothing. A congressman summed up a grim situation: ‘Great Britain is a small country with most of its inhabitants forced into a narrow strip of land to the south facing the sea. The people have literally no-where to go, it is a siege.’

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Posted: Aug 28th, 2014
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Phone vote victory for Michael Gove in ‘Great British F**k off’

The British Public have a new champion tonight, with a proud Mr. Gove scoring highly in the signature round with a pleasingly pseudo-Latin sobriquet – ‘Asinus stultissimus’. This followed his spectacular ‘deconstructed’ education system or a ‘sh*t soufflé’ as Marry Berry described it.

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Posted: Oct 24th, 2013
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