Police have been put on ‘Avenger Alert’ after evil scientists warned a production delay in DNA-altering microchips is set to deny under-50s raised on a diet of trashy Superhero movies their dream of becoming part-human, [read...]
Every household in the UK will receive a cardboard cut-out Hugh Pym to help combat Covid-19, it has been announced. ‘At exactly two metres tall, Hugh Pym is the ideal tool for correctly measuring social distancing”, [read...]
World famous interior designer Carrie Symonds has wowed fashion experts by using unpublished NHS contracts to wallpaper a toilet at Number 10, Downing Street. Symonds, who is an expert in anything that takes her fancy, [read...]
Philip Stevens, 36, from Camberley, has admitted that he is terrified that Chancellor Rishi Sunak might announce the end of the furlough scheme in this week’s budget speech.
Stephens was furloughed on 11 April last year and has been enjoying the 80% salary but cannot for the life of him remember what it is that he actually does for a living. [read...]
‘Sometimes I do 34 in a 30 zone. I’m a maverick”, said Hancock. “I like to get pissed at parties and kiss women. Real women, with breasts. I don’t kiss their breasts, obviously. I’m not an animal.’ [read...]