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Posts Tagged ‘McDonalds’

Obese man wins right to McDonalds bypass

I'm swervin' it Gastric band built around local branch

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Posted: Aug 21st, 2015
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‘Antimatter IRA’ new threat to national security, the structure of reality

The group is reported to have seized control of an inter-dimensional portal and is now intent on hurling random antimatter artefacts at ‘symbols of Unionist oppression’ in our reality. Due to the catastrophic relationship between matter and antimatter, these could be anything from sachets of McDonalds’ discontinued ‘Mild Mustard Sauce’ to pre-remastering Phil Collins CD reissues.

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Posted: Nov 4th, 2012
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Thai police confirm arrest of ‘sex tourist’ Ronald McDonald

Missing food clown Ronald McDonald has finally been discovered, living a sick double-life in Bangkok. Thai police confirmed they’d arrested a 45 year-old with a fake Scottish passport, after a disturbance at an adult cinema. According to reports, the fugitive appeared dishevelled and stained with special sauce, and had refused to leave after propositioning a female member of staff to give him a ‘McShake’.

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Posted: Oct 6th, 2012
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Rats to take hard line against illegal imports

British rats are angry at news that unlicensed West African cane rat meat is for sale on market stalls in East London.

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Posted: Sep 21st, 2012
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Post-Olympic bike sales increase sees wheelchair manufacturers bracing themselves

Following on from the large increase in bike sales instigated by Team GB’s cycling success at the Olympics, wheelchair manufacturers are bracing themselves for increased production should British Wheelchair racers have a similar level of dominance at the Paralympics.

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Posted: Aug 26th, 2012
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