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Posts Tagged ‘McDonalds’

Unemployed lorry driver, 54, launches Olympic selection bid

With a whopping six hours until the opening ceremony of London 2012, Dave Collins, a 54 year-old unemployed lorry driver, said he was ‘humbled’ to announce his intention to seek selection for Team GB.

‘The big problem was deciding which events to go for’, wheezed Collins. ‘I thought of the cycling road race but my bike’s stuck right at the back of my shed. There’s no point emptying it all out, adjusting the saddle and finding the pump, only to have Mark Cavendish come flying past in the last 200 metres.’

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Posted: Jul 27th, 2012
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Re-using Jubilee flags for Olympics ‘would be act of treason’, warns LOCOG

‘These flags we’ve seen everywhere for the Jubilee are sometimes home-made and usually completely devoid of sponsorship logos,’ said Lord Coe.

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Posted: Jun 2nd, 2012
More from Sport


McDonald’s staff to be issued with ‘Do Not Disturb’ uniforms

‘Interruptions such as customers asking for ketchup and straws, begging for no ice in the coke or asking difficult questions about abattoir hygiene could stop staff from doing their jobs properly.’

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Posted: Aug 30th, 2011
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Obese man wins right to McDonalds bypass

I'm swervin' itA 22-stone man has been told he can have a ‘life-saving’ gastric bypass built around his local McDonalds, despite losing a legal case after being rejected for it previously.

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Posted: Aug 17th, 2011
More from Health


Motorway service stations to cater for reluctant dieters with ‘salad pie’

A revolutionary diet plan has been introduced for those people whose commitment to the cause of losing weight is slimmer than their waistline.

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Posted: Feb 19th, 2011
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