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Posts Tagged ‘metropolitan police’

Customers who hesitate to call could face prosecution

A new measure, enshrined in law, could bring to an end centuries of lunacy, when businesses were forced to tell customers ‘Please don’t hesitate’ to contact them with any queries.

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Posted: May 18th, 2015
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Controversial police fitness test replaced by ‘Interpretive Dance exam’

A new and improved fitness exam has been introduced to all serving police officers this week, finally replacing the ‘dated’ beep test.

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Posted: Apr 27th, 2015
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Boris Johnson launches new ‘Bicycle-Water-Cannons-For-Hire’ scheme

feel the power‘I have already spent the day hosing down the hoi polloi.’

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Posted: Apr 6th, 2015
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Major police operation after Farage missing from news for ten minutes

Police have said they are ‘desperately concerned’ for the welfare of UKIP leader Nigel Farage after he was reported missing from the news ten minutes ago.

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Posted: Oct 15th, 2014
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Metropolitan Police admit to ‘investigating crime’

Met to get back to good old-fashioned snooping, discreditingAt a press conference, Police Commissioner Sir Bernard Hogan-O’Hooligan confirmed mounting speculation that police were increasingly targeting known and suspected criminals, but was eager to put the practice into context. ‘I am in no way condoning what has happened, but it is worth pointing out that this was just a few bad apples acting alone and without authorisation. It is now firmly in the past, and moving forward I will ensure every officer upholds the highest standards of the Metropolitan Police by focusing their investigative resources solely on spying on and discrediting those people who seek to establish the truth about cases in which the Met is involved.’

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Posted: Jul 24th, 2014
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