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Posts Tagged ‘MI5’

Theresa May becomes internet porn phenomenon

Latest online viewing figures leaked by MI5 have revealed the unexpected emergence of Home Secretary Theresa May as the UK’s top sex symbol.

The phenomenon is thought to have arisen after the recent announcement by Ms May, wearing a provocative black outfit and red lipstick, of the new ‘Snooper’s Charter’ under which all online viewing will be monitored by the security services. It is understood that large numbers of middle aged men, the main users of online porn, started to become aroused by the thought that Theresa May was spying on their viewing habits.

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Posted: Nov 8th, 2015
More from Politics

Secret Service boss sacked for spending too much time looking out of window

Is it a sacking, or a double-bluff, counter bluff, triple bluff? Nope. He's actually gone.A senior manager at MI6 has been sacked for spending the majority of his working day standing looking out of the window in a wistful manner.

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Posted: Aug 26th, 2015
More from From The Archives

James Bond resigns from MI5 citing ‘too much paperwork’

ready to killExcessive paperwork, political correctness and boring villain’s lairs have made life unbearable.

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Posted: May 21st, 2015
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MI5 to outsource surveillance to Google

MI6 getting in on it as well, but that's a secret‘Opportunity to opt out on page 123 of privacy policy terms and conditions.’

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Posted: Jul 11th, 2014
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Abu Hamza ‘worked for depressed kittens shelter’, claim defence

After claims at his trial that Abu Hamza al-Masri secretly worked for MI5, his lawyers have further revealed the radical Muslim cleric’s extensive work for charity. The US terror trial has heard that Hamza was a ‘leading light’ down at the local homeless shelter, giving reiki foot massages to vagrants, and worked evenings and weekends at the ‘Fluffywumbles Home for Depressed Felines’.

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Posted: May 8th, 2014
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