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Posts Tagged ‘MI5’

Secret Santa ‘defends freedom’

Sir Iain Lobban has responded to criticism that Government Communications Headquarters (GCHQ) has undermined democracy, freedom and gone over budget with anonymous workplace gifts. The televised Public Hearing was told that a ‘jolly office tradition’ had spiralled out of control to include the exchange of Perfume Flamethrowers, Exploding Alarm Clocks and Portable Gyrocopters.

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Posted: Nov 11th, 2013
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Cliff ‘wired for sound’ during Cold War claim intelligence chiefs

Squeaky clean Sir Cliff went by the code name Harry Web-of-Deceit amongst Whitehall officials. Cliff’s paymasters gave the bachelor boy a brief to release soft pop ballads as a smokescreen for more clandestine activities. Having successfully established himself as a sleeper in the pop world he was ‘activated’ in 1968, during his performance of Eurovision entry, Congratulations, at London’s Albert Hall in 1968.

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Posted: Jun 19th, 2012
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James Bond pulled from Olympics promo as ‘license to kill’ found to have expired

It transpires that his ‘license to kill’ expired in 1995, meaning he has technically committed 384 murders in the intervening period.

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Posted: Apr 4th, 2012
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Massive increase in chat room use as civil servants return from Christmas break

A government representative announced that they were ‘shocked and disappointed’ on the release of a comprehensive breakdown of Britain’s internet use, showing that chat room logins shot up in numbers as the country’s civil servants returned to the office after the holidays.

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Posted: Dec 30th, 2011
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Dirty laundry found in Gaddafi compound confirmed as British

one sock 'still on the run, possibly in Niger'‘It consists of mainly socks and the occasional pair of Union Jack underpants. Oh, and some orange overalls labelled ‘stubborn stains – wash and waterboard’.’

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Posted: Sep 8th, 2011
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