NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

Posts Tagged ‘MI5’

James Bond pulled from Olympics promo as ‘license to kill’ found to have expired

It transpires that his ‘license to kill’ expired in 1995, meaning he has technically committed 384 murders in the intervening period.

Read more >

Posted: Apr 4th, 2012
More from News In Brief



Massive increase in chat room use as civil servants return from Christmas break

A government representative announced that they were ‘shocked and disappointed’ on the release of a comprehensive breakdown of Britain’s internet use, showing that chat room logins shot up in numbers as the country’s civil servants returned to the office after the holidays.

Read more >

Posted: Dec 30th, 2011
More from News In Brief



Dirty laundry found in Gaddafi compound confirmed as British

one sock 'still on the run, possibly in Niger'‘It consists of mainly socks and the occasional pair of Union Jack underpants. Oh, and some orange overalls labelled ‘stubborn stains – wash and waterboard’.’

Read more >

Posted: Sep 8th, 2011
More from World News



James Bond resigns from MI5 citing ‘too much paperwork’

ready to killJames Bond, the secret agent formerly known as 007, has resigned from MI5, citing excessive paperwork, political correctness and boring villain’s lairs as making his life as a government assassin unbearable.

‘When I started out as a hired killer for the UK goverment, I was given a gun and allowed to take out anyone I liked. I fought the real super-villains, who built rocket launching sites inside volcanoes, supertankers that swallowed submarines, space stations and the like – most of them with monorails. On the way, I could have unprotected sex with any woman I fancied. But the assassination of Osama bin Laden shows how frustrating having a license to kill has become.’

Read more >

Posted: May 19th, 2011
More from Celebrity