Slices of toast have popped up all over the UK to criticize metaphors applied to Theresa May. “I for one am fed up to the crusts with this ‘Theresa is toast’ claim”, said a piece of grilled brown Warburtons from Nottingham. [read...]
It is clear that Theresa May has become increasingly distracted of late. She apparently ‘forgot’ that she had called a general election, she wouldn’t turn up for debates because she had a zit, and the first draft of the Conservative manifesto was accidentally signed ‘Theresa Gove’. [read...]
There were calls for calm yesterday after the newly-appointed Minister for the Environment Michael Gove stated that the Beaufort wind force scale should be changed in order to confuse everyone. Under Mr Gove’s proposal, the new scale will range from Z to A, [read...]
A stalk of spring wheat growing in a field in Herefordshire has expressed alarm at the news that Theresa May is still the Prime Minister. Nigel, who belongs to the genus Triticum Aestivum, said that Mrs May’s past record of casual cropicide makes her entirely unsuitable for the role. [read...]
The Conservative Party campaign for the General Election on 8th June will mostly involve endless repetition of the phrase ‘coalition of chaos’, it has emerged. Political commentators believe that by election day the public will have been bombarded with the phrase so often that they will walk into the voting booth in a trance-like state… [read...]
