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Posts Tagged ‘Michael Gove’

The end of the Universe simulated in George Osborne’s head

While scientists at Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) have computer generated the evolution of the Universe, George Osborne’s ‘vacuous noggin’ has managed replicate the precise terminus of life as we know it.

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Posted: May 9th, 2014
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Social workers to be fast-tracked to a nervous breakdown

best to get it over with quickly, says governmentAfter a five-week ‘taster course’, the students will be air-dropped, naked, into the most challenging urban areas in the country, including Stoke-on-Trent and Wigan.

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Posted: May 6th, 2014
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Alleged Islamic takeover of schools ‘can’t be worse than Gove’

A Birmingham inquiry into a hard-line Muslims taking control of city schools, it set to conclude that a fundamentalist rejection of 21st century learning ‘can not be more detrimental’ than the Secretary of State’s A level reforms.

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Posted: Apr 16th, 2014
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Welsh sheep ‘lack vision’ says damning report

‘The country has too many under-performing breeds content to just stand around in fields all day munching grass. They need to look beyond the farm gate.’

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Posted: Apr 13th, 2014
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M.P.s now only embarrassed by the ‘sound of pooing’

right honourable gentsAfter decades of embezzlement, corruption and ‘world-class douchebaggery’, the House of Commons has managed to eliminate shame in all but extreme circumstances. While Culture Secretary Maria Miller had to be wrestled to the ground by Black Rod and sat upon by the Deputy Speaker in order to elicit the ‘mildest apology’, other MPs have confessed to not being ‘remotely mortified’ when caught ‘farting in a lift’, ‘masturbating in front of their parents’ or ‘voting for’ any Coalition policy.

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Posted: Apr 8th, 2014
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