NewsBiscuit

Extra-terrestrials have today conceded that a decades-long programme of abduction to gather detailed knowledge of human society and biology might have produced better results had they looked beyond suggestible loners with a history of mental health problems.

‘In hindsight, I suppose there was always going to be a limit to the intelligence we could get from a depressed farmer drink-driving his tractor at 2am,’ said an alien spokesbeing today.

Read more >

Posted: Sep 1st, 2009
More from World News

A new clinic in the heart of Geneva is offering suicidal patients the chance to end it all in style with its range of dramatic role-play curtain-calls. An offshoot of the famous Swiss euthanasia clinic, Indignitas has developed a range of deals for those who don’t want to slip away quietly, including re-enactments of celebrity deaths and summary executions after a staged miscarriage of justice for those who feel life has dealt them a bad hand.

Read more >

Posted: Jul 23rd, 2009
More from Health, Lifestyle

Coleen Nolan, popular presenter of TV’s Loose Women, has opened her heart following the death of Michael Jackson. ‘Both being the youngest in a chart topping family singing group, Michael and I had so many parallels in our lives.’ said 44 year old Nolan; ‘I can’t help think that it could have just as easily been me over there, dead.’

Read more >

Posted: Jul 3rd, 2009
More from News In Brief

Lawyers for Michael Jackson lodged an urgent court appeal to overturn what attorney, Thomas Mesereau Jr., described as a ‘salacious accusation’ that their client is dead, claiming it was merely an attempt to wheedle money out of him. ‘Michael is a naïve victim who’s been manipulated by unscrupulous doctors,’ claimed Mesereau, ‘Same thing happened to Elvis. They destroyed his career, forcing him to earn a living in a chip shop.’

Read more >

Posted: Jun 28th, 2009
More from News In Brief

Fearing that shadowy official sources would once again attempt to misdirect a gullible public on the true circumstances surrounding the ‘supposed’ death of a major international figure with the release of supposed ‘facts’ from emergency services calls and secret hospital autopsies, conspiracy theorists from around the world met to hammer out a Common Unified Conspiracy Theory over the death of Michael Jackson.

Read more >

Posted: Jun 28th, 2009
More from Arts/Entertainment