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Posts Tagged ‘military’

UK to send rolled up newspapers to Iraq, to swat flies

‘We asked for special forces, troops, tanks, planes and bullets, we got about thirty rolled up newspapers,’ moaned an Iraqi spokesman today. The Government admitted the supply of remaindered newspapers was ‘probably less than they wanted,’, but pointed out that they are also sending two corporals to train them to swat flies with the newspapers.

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Posted: Jun 8th, 2015
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More countries allowing women combat roles ‘could lead to female-only battles’

Women worldwide have demanded the equal right to fight each other to the death in a military conflict, leaving male chauvinist critics to make lame jokes about where they will put their handbags while handling surface to air weapons, and whether they will take slightly longer to get battle-ready than their male counterparts.

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Posted: Jan 17th, 2015
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MoD unveils ‘Tramp Army’

‘Tramps make excellent soldiers,’ Fallon said. ‘They are experts in urban survival techniques, they can survive in the field on as little as four cans of Special Brew per day and it’s actually funny watching them fight.’

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Posted: Sep 23rd, 2014
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Thai military to also offer mail-order bridal service

As the army take control of Thailand’s government, martial law is set to extend to marital law – less of a coup more of a ‘Cooeee!’. With lady-boys in combat gear seen marching through the streets of Bangkok, it has become clear to all ‘romantically challenged’ westerners that a tougher regime of dating is in the offing. For some, this may be the path to true love – provided you like ‘camo makeup’, the threat of imminent violence and ‘getting fisted with a grenade.’

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Posted: May 24th, 2014
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Nick Clegg’s political remains arrive at deserted Wootton Bassett

For the first time in its history, Wootton Bassett – known for its deeply moving and dignified demonstrations of respect and mourning to fallen military personnel – was completely deserted today as the remains of Nick Clegg’s political career arrived in the Wiltshire town.

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Posted: May 9th, 2011
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