‘We didn’t think the list would ever end,’ said a tearful Major General Nick Carter today as the names of MPs who had sacrificed their reputations for the country were read out.
Posted: Oct 16th, 2009
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Richard Timney’s claim for six large boxes of tissues must be repaid after being deemed ‘excessive’, even when accepting that the films in question were ‘absolute belters’.
Posted: Oct 15th, 2009
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Just days after Parliament broke up for the summer recess, parents of MPs are already wondering how on earth they are meant to occupy their children until the House of Commons re-opens in October. After the initial novelty of spending some time with their Members of Parliament again, desperate parents were today seen outside the gates of the Palace of Westminster begging police officers to let their children back in on the grounds that they’d ‘forgotten their lunchboxes’.
‘It’s absurd that they get so long off,’ said Alan Duncan’s father today. ‘All he’s doing is sitting around the house watching repeats on the Parliament Channel.’
Posted: Jul 24th, 2009
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As part of efforts by MPs to find legitimate new ways to supplement their annual salary it was announced that the showcase Prime Minister’s Questions sessions would feature sponsorship. From July, MPs from both sides of the house will be entitled to ask questions such as ‘Is the Prime Minister aware of the urgency of getting down to DFS before 4pm Sunday to catch the end of its half-price sale?’
Posted: Jun 24th, 2009
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The Daily Telegraph has issued a front-page apology over the expenses allegations after discovering that its political staff ‘hadn’t read the second column correctly.’
‘In recent weeks, we may have given the impression that the House of Commons is stuffed to the rafters with filthy, rapacious grubbers sponging off the taxpayer to feed their indolent lives of immoral luxury,’ the newspaper’s editorial declares. ‘In fact, it turns out that the whole story was written up by a spotty 17-year-old intern who couldn’t read the figures properly and left out the middle column of numbers. Our MPs are in fact the same fine group of distinguished gentlemen and ladies that they have always been. We hope the mistake hasn’t caused any inconvenience.’
Posted: Jun 7th, 2009
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