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Posts Tagged ‘MPs expenses’

Criminals to police themselves

The government is to introduce self-policing for UK law breakers. Unveiling the radical new scheme, government spokesman, Maria Miller, explained; ‘The old saying is ‘it takes a thief to catch a thief’ and this measure is simply an extension of how Parliament itself works. That system has met with such universal approval from the British public, that it seemed logical to trust people who continually try and avoid the police to henceforth police themselves.

The scheme, which has been launched to coincide with the beginning of the new avoiding-tax year, will involve muggers, burglars, car thieves and investment bankers being charged with making sure that no laws are breaking in the course of their law-breaking.

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Posted: Apr 6th, 2014
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UK schools to revert to Roman numerals, announces Gove

In a move expected to be marginally less unpopular and unworkable than most of his other ideas, Michael Gove has announced that from 2014 UK schools will revert to teaching in Roman numerals.

The idea is the brainchild of a conservative think tank charged by the Education Secretary with charting the causes of the drastic decline in school standards in Britain since the withdrawal of the Roman Empire in 410 AD.

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Posted: Jun 18th, 2013
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Rash of jailed Tory peers on TV ‘proves Conservatives are still relevant’, claims Cameron

The huge number of ennobled ex-convicts appearing on British media outlets in the last few days proves the Tory party is ‘still in touch with the popular mood’, said David Cameron in a speech last night.

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Posted: Mar 13th, 2013
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Public condemn Iain Duncan Smith as ‘not fit for purpose’

Members of the public have attacked the way politicians such as Iain Duncan Smith are funded, saying it has led to a ‘sorry story of dependency, and has wasted taxpayer’s money and encouraged fraud’.

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Posted: Jan 2nd, 2013
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US politicians to offer ‘effective corruption training’ to UK MPs

A delegation of US and Italian politicians have launched a high-profile conference in London to teach British politicians how to stop fannying about claiming Commons expenses for gardening costs, and switch to proper corruption like dumping your ex-lover’s body in the local river and then having the judge trying you shot by a hitman.

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Posted: Jun 11th, 2012
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