Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Danny Davito and Ewan McGregor are all slated for major roles in a Hollywood blockbuster retelling the story of Neil Heywood’s murder in China, with filming due to start in Pinewood and Chongqing as soon as someone can come up with a suitably implausible script.
Posted: Apr 16th, 2014
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Fewer people are making leisure trips to Scandinavia, for fear of being hideously murdered or being overcome with the desire to kill another, according to tourism analysts.
Posted: Mar 22nd, 2014
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The seaside town of Hastings is in uproar today as the police reopen the King Harold killing investigation once again. Posters have been erected on billboards all around the town appealing for witnesses to the murder over one thousand years ago.
‘It’s a waste of public money,’ said one resident, pointing out that every time the authorities rake over the ashes of the Troubles there are problems, such as reduced tourist traffic from France.
The Police Commissioner is unrepentant about reopening the enquiry, though. He pointed to the original report on the killing, the Bayeux Tapestry, and noted that as evidence it was a bit thin. ‘It’s worn at the edges, too,’ he said.
Posted: Mar 2nd, 2014
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‘It’s a marriage made in heaven, with Danish written all the way through it,” said Lars Smytt, brand manager for Denmark’s latest marketing success, which from tomorrow will feature on mortuary slabs and breakfast tables worldwide, with the slogan ‘Grisly and sizzly!’.’
Posted: Oct 28th, 2013
More from World News
The murder, which featured six dismembered bodies, a decapitated donkey,a microwaved cat and a new-born baby impaled on a toasting fork, was described by Inspector Watson as ‘horrible – but I’ve seen worse’.
Posted: Mar 16th, 2013
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