Grime music is pure shite, according to a report commissioned by the BPI. Author Dr Darius Morgan from the Royal College of Music said: ‘Although I had an inkling that perhaps Grime was shite but I wanted to be dispassionate and totally professional in my assessment as part of the evaluation process. [read...]
Rumours that Everton FC manager Big Sam Allardyce is to take over at struggling R Kelly have been confirmed. With a multi-million dollar deal penned, the Midlands troubleshooter has agreed to try and save the artist from being relegated from Spotify Premier. [read...]
Members of Swedish power pop quartet Abba have agreed to end their 35-year standoff and work together to rid the charts and radio airwaves of all non-Swedish pop. The group met in a specially-constructed building halfway up Agnetha’s driveway, [read...]
Sir Elton John is to marry himself in what is expected to be one of the most glittering ceremonies ever seen. The marriage has thus far been disallowed on the basis that he is the same sex as himself, [read...]
Shadowy all-female organisation The Spice Girls has issued a chilling warning to Britain and the world – they plan to carry out further musical attacks, and there is nothing anybody can do to stop them. [read...]
