NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

Posts Tagged ‘narnia’

Channel Tunnel NOT a gateway to Narnia

And anyway, Aslan's been shot by a dentistThe Ministry of Defence has been forced to release a blanket denial that Calais’ entrance to the UK is the portal to a fantasy kingdom of bounteous social benefits and friendly characters from classic British fiction. Sadly, immigrants have been flooding into the area under this mistaken belief that they will get to meet Aslan, hobbits and the cast of ‘Glee’.

Nightly, hundreds of desperate stowaways risk their lives to get a peek of the animals of Farthing Wood who they believe are waiting at the other end. One migrant admitted: ‘The UK is the land of milk and honey – resting on the backs of four huge elephants and one enormous space turtle. And where else can you claim child benefit for dependents living outside the UK, while at the same time sending you other kids to Hogwarts?’

Read more >

Posted: Jul 31st, 2015
More from UK News



Narnia receives scathing TripAdvisor review

it was all in the 400-page brochure, if only they'd looked‘If we wanted talking animals with a tedious moral message we would have gone to Disneyland. Needless to say, we won’t be returning.’

Read more >

Posted: Mar 25th, 2015
More from From The Archives



‘Fruity wizards’ told to avoid Russia

The UK Foreign Office has advised all members of the Fellowship of the Ring not to travel to Russia, where new laws based on the belief that sexual orientation is determined by early exposure to fantasy novels, it is feared, may soon extend to ‘fruity wizards’, ‘effete elves’ and ‘dwarves in sailor suits’.

Read more >

Posted: Dec 13th, 2013
More from News In Brief



Boy mauled by lion in wardrobe

The child, who claims he was speaking to Jesus, remains in intensive care 13 hours after he was found scratched and bloodied in the upstairs bedroom of his rural home. His grandfather, Digory Kirke, says that doctors are optimistic that he will recover, though is said to be unsure about the circumstances leading up to the attack.

Read more >

Posted: Nov 25th, 2013
More from News In Brief



British labour market flooded by workers from Narnia

Fawn‘Tesco aisles now full of speciality beaver food.’

Read more >

Posted: Feb 7th, 2007
More from UK News