‘The site was really user-friendly and made getting out of debt by getting into even more debt a doddle,’ said Obama. ‘The green undulating fields and cartoon butterflies at the top of their homepage made me feel immediately at ease, plus they had this cool slider thing that went all the way up to $2,400,000,000,000 – which was handy. They didn’t even seem bothered about our credit history.’

The deal comes after a night of fraught discussions between Democrats and Republicans around the White House kitchen table. ‘Hillary Clinton was writing down ‘what we’ve got coming in’ and ‘what we’ve got going out’ on the back of a manila envelope, but we quickly ran out space for all the noughts,’ continued Obama. ‘Then we went online and found Wonga.com. Their guaranteed instant decision and 15-minute payout was just what we were after. I’d certainly recommend their service to any other struggling superpower.’

Wonga are delighted by the deal. ‘We usually specialise in small-time borrowers who need that little bit extra to help make ends meet until payday. But anyone can experience cashflow problems, and it’s just good to be able to do our bit for the world’s largest economy.’

However, many in Congress and the House of Representatives are said to be furious after checking the smallprint and finding that Wonga is charging a typical APR of 4,214% on the $2.4 trillion loan. ‘The main thing is that we now have the money to stop us defaulting on our debts,’ said Obama. ‘Our credibility would have been in tatters if we couldn’t keep up our repayments to cash4u.com.’

‘Nobody wants this credit’ said Ron Gainsford, chairman of the Trading Standards Institute. ‘It is forced on people by evil loan companies who then make them pay it back even though they can’t afford to. It is outrageous. It is clear that responsibility for the behaviour of individuals lies with these organisations – who else could it possibly be?’

Spooky Kid