Unmarried uncle of four, Derek Johnson, has decided not to put kisses on the Christmas card he is sending to his nephews and nieces this year.
Posted: Dec 11th, 2013
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‘If your Dreamcatcher is wired up as shown, you might notice fewer dreams. Dreams that you have always had, will commonly be destroyed in a soul crushing and usually ironic fashion, as if a deity were teaching you a lesson. Please return immediately.’
Posted: Dec 7th, 2013
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An undercover police operation has revealed that a Mafia-like organisation is behind the huge number of retired people queuing in banks and post offices during lunchtimes. Pensioners across the country are being strategically deployed between noon and 2pm to bring frustration and anger to the working public under the overall control of one man known only as ‘The Godgrandfather.’
Posted: Dec 6th, 2013
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We have thought long and hard about a fitting tribute, and have decided on a 3.7% price rise from January 2014. Bill payers, as they receive their Spring statements, will remember where they were when they first heard the news of Mandela’s death, and reflect on the small additional price they will be paying in memory of his life’.
Posted: Dec 6th, 2013
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Metaphors, anecdotes and comparisons with occupations from a bygone age are all hopeless when explaining ‘what exactly is it you do’, according to a new report. The verdict will make grim reading for people preparing for Christmas, as they visit friends and relatives to face probing questions about how they spend their days. A staggering 65% of a study group is still totally unable to explain themselves adequately to a range of audiences with different capacities of understanding.
Posted: Dec 5th, 2013
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