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Canal boat chase ends in capture after eight days
An eight-day police chase across two counties ended peacefully when a suspected canal barge thief was cornered in a canal basin near Wolverhampton. [read...]
Tagged news satire
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Zuckerberg launches “Faceblood” ‘purely to help haemophiliacs’
Mark Zuckerberg has insisted that Facebook’s new blood transfusion service is a charitable venture aimed at the world’s haemophiliacs, and not at all an attempt to monopolise supply of what is literally the lifeblood of the world. [read...]
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Brexiteer with rotten tooth denies wanting ‘no-anesthetic’ extraction
‘I am fed up with idiots suggesting that I would prefer not to have any anaesthetic,’ said Jake O’bree-Smug, a long-suffering dental patient who is desperate for freedom from further pain. ‘Obviously I would prefer the extraction to be as painless as possible.’ [read...]
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Women footballers to receive cliché training
Female footballers are to be schooled in spouting meaningless rubbish to the media in a new initiative to bridge the capability gap between them and their male counterparts. It follows a shameful incident in the FIFA Women’s World Cup in which a player failed to answer a banal question regarding her feelings about scoring a goal with: ‘I’m over the moon but at the end of the day it’s all about the three points.’ [read...]
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Pompeo: Corbyn is Elvis
The US has admitted that Black Ops deployed to undermine the Labour leader may have backfired; making him more Prime Ministerial and less Geography Teacher-esque. The larger the lie, the more glamorous he becomes; hence the failure of headlines such as ‘Corbyn beds the Spice Girls’, [read...]