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Posts Tagged ‘news satire’

Radical new image set to change Clegg from lickspittle to dangerous maverick

Deputy Prime Minster Nick Clegg is set to unveil a radical change of image at next week’s Liberal Democrat Party conference. In an attempt to appear more enigmatic Clegg will deliver his leader’s speech wearing a patch over his right eye and a large scar on his left cheek.

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Posted: Oct 1st, 2014
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Fruit-picker promises jam in 6 years’ time

‘I don’t know why there’s no jam yet’, said a customer of the fruit-picker.

‘He’s been gathering our plums for the last 4 years. We’re renegotiating a fresh 5 year contract, and he says we’ll see some jam in 2020.’

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Posted: Oct 1st, 2014
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RAF pounds pick up truck into the ground

and if it's being driven with italic number plates, there'll be hell to payIn wave after wave of laser targeted weaponry the RAF have decisively destroyed a pickup truck yesterday.

‘We have strong suspicions that the truck wasn’t taxed,’ said an aerial reconnaissance expert, ‘or maybe the owner removed the tax disc a day early. Either way, it certainly didn’t look roadworthy, and almost certainly wouldn’t have passed its MOT had it not been destroyed.’ It is an operational objective of the Allies to remove all Islamic State vehicles that are not safe, taxed and suitably insured. ‘We’re cracking down on the illegal use of red diesel, too,’ said one of the operational commanders.

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Posted: Sep 30th, 2014
More from World News



MPs to register photographs of their genitals

All MPs will be required to lodge photographs of their genitals with the Sergeant at Arms’s office. ‘Most MPs have at one time or another taken a selfie of their private parts, and this is a simple step to avoid the current issues related to the Daily Mirror,’ said a spokesperson for Hansard, who will publish the genitals before each parliamentary term.

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Posted: Sep 30th, 2014
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Doctor’s receptionists now better qualified than doctors, says NHS

‘It can be embarrassing at times,’ said one patient, ‘having to remove my trousers and underpants in the waiting room so that the receptionist could see the suppurating pustules on the end of my knob.’

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Posted: Sep 30th, 2014
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