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Posts Tagged ‘news satire’

Secret Service boss sacked for spending too much time looking out of window

Is it a sacking, or a double-bluff, counter bluff, triple bluff? Nope. He's actually gone.A senior manager at MI6 has been sacked for spending the majority of his working day standing looking out of the window in a wistful manner. The man known only as ‘B’ is believed to have angered security chiefs by allowing vast amounts of important paperwork and emails to build up while the air in his office hung heavy with a vague feeling of regret and loss.

‘Last week I took him an important file,’ said an unnamed MI6 operative. ‘When I went into his office he was standing with his back to me looking out of the window as usual. I said ‘the top floor needs an answer on this in an hour sir’ and left the file on his desk. He just said ‘Well we mustn’t keep the top floor waiting must we?’.’

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Posted: Aug 27th, 2014
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Nigel Farage’s selection in jeopardy due to an allergy to real ale‏

UKIP members in South Thanet have been thrown into disarray by the unexpected hypersensitivity to unpasteurised beer of their frontrunner for the 2015 general election. Having quaffed over 20,000 pints on the election trail to appear as an ‘everyman’ to voters, Mr. Farage has now become riddled with hives every time he swallows a mouthful of Bishop’s Cock.

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Posted: Aug 27th, 2014
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IS look to Satchi & Satchi for PR

Mohammed Ahmad, head of Public Relations for Islamic State has admitted that his department isn’t performing as well as he expected. ‘I felt the timing of the name change from ISIS to IS was a mistake, plus I was gutted when my favoured choice of rebranding name, Consignia, wasn’t available’ he said.

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Posted: Aug 27th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Gulf states order Blackberry users to cover their phones in a tiny burqa

no more of that naughty spam eitherNew laws in Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates will require that every Blackberry user dress their phone a miniature burqa and face veil.

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Posted: Aug 27th, 2014
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UK starts advertising for Scotland’s replacement

Your place or mine? Actually, mine.In the aftermath of Alex Salmond shouting Alistair Darling into submission, the remaining parts of the British Isles have resigned themselves to the fact that its time ‘to move on’ and start seeing other countries. To this end, the Foreign Office has put out a series of classified ads asking for those interested in love, union and a ‘B&D parliamentary system’.

The exact wording of the full advert mentions a ‘long-term business arrangement’ but also, in what is seen as a veiled dig at the Scots, a request for someone who is ‘…well endowed, drug and disease free’. However, contrary to their own protestations, the UK has clearly not obtained ‘full closure’; welcoming applications from a ‘chubby, argumentative red head.’

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Posted: Aug 26th, 2014
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