There was disappointment for the 46 shoppers who waited in a steady breeze yesterday morning for the grand opening of the new Lidl at Newport, Isle of Wight, when the ‘mystery celebrity’ they had been promised for the ceremony turned out to be a member of the Great Britain archery team that won a Bronze at the Rio Olympics. [read...]
London’s town criers have announced their intention to ‘step into the breech’, as one Bellman told us: ‘Oyez, Oyez – though we broadly oppose the silencing of the Palace of Westminster’s chimes, we are confident we can provide a suitable replacement as her Majesty’s official timekeepers to Great Britain and the Colonies. [read...]
Musicians Craig and Charlie Reid were last night charged with aggravated sexual harassment. It is alleged that the Scottish twins had walked 500 miles and then walked 500 more to throw themselves at the feet of Jennifer Davenport, [read...]
Nobel peace prize winner Malala Yousafzai spoke of her excitement today at the news she has been accepted as a Crew Member of her local McDonald’s restaurant in Birmingham. [read...]
Tiresome and insincere nicety ‘How are you?’ is to be replaced with the much more concise enquiry ‘Bollocks?’ it has emerged. [read...]
