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Posts Tagged ‘news satire’

Ambulance service outsourced to bus and courier companies

arriva-ambulanceHailed as ‘another triumph of public-private partnership’, it was announced that NHS ambulance services are to be outsourced to a joint venture initiative between Arriva Bus and NextDay Couriers.

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Posted: Apr 17th, 2014
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Adoption agencies inundated with middle-class toddlers post ‘Offer Day’

where's the hope?As UK primary schools announce their allocated places, aspiring parents have been forced to make some tough decisions between living with the shame of an infant in an average OFSTED institution or to ‘cut their losses and run’.

Social services have observed a spiked increase in the number of Jacobs and Jemimas left outside orphanages with nothing but a small bowl of couscous, a Boden catalogue and a £20 M&S voucher.

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Posted: Apr 16th, 2014
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Simon Cowell’s underpants set to rise 3ft by 2025

Experts at the University of Celebrity Studies say they have discovered a rare human phenomenon that could see Simon Cowell vanish from our screens and engulfed by his own underpants within the next 10 years, possibly sooner.

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Posted: Apr 15th, 2014
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‘Dirty’ Fuel needs to be replaced with something ‘less smutty’ – insists UN

The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) has published a damning report on how ‘excessively crude’ oils are corrupting the young with their reliance on ‘salacious carbon-intensive’ fuels and lewd references to ‘fracking’. UN scientists now support a swift transition to ‘less risqué’ forms of energy, such as ‘natural gas’ – which although fostering scatological humour does at least lower emissions ‘without lowering the tone.’

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Posted: Apr 15th, 2014
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Tories caught offside by Labour pledge to win 2010 World Cup

David Cameron was caught off guard at the political leaders’ debate last night as the Labour Party pledged that England would win the 2010 World Cup in South Africa.

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Posted: Apr 15th, 2014
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