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Posts Tagged ‘news satire’

Dylan ‘beyond disappointed’ after hearing tambourine song

Witnesses claim that Dylan’s expression darkened as it became clear that a song played exclusively on a tambourine, a totally percussive instrument with a limited notational range, was really pretty fucking boring.

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Posted: Jul 25th, 2014
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Metropolitan Police admit to ‘investigating crime’

Met to get back to good old-fashioned snooping, discreditingAt a press conference, Police Commissioner Sir Bernard Hogan-O’Hooligan confirmed mounting speculation that police were increasingly targeting known and suspected criminals, but was eager to put the practice into context. ‘I am in no way condoning what has happened, but it is worth pointing out that this was just a few bad apples acting alone and without authorisation. It is now firmly in the past, and moving forward I will ensure every officer upholds the highest standards of the Metropolitan Police by focusing their investigative resources solely on spying on and discrediting those people who seek to establish the truth about cases in which the Met is involved.’

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Posted: Jul 24th, 2014
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Glasgow kicked out of Commonwealth Games after failing drugs test

Glasgow tested positive for Amphetamine, Barbiturates, Cocaine, Diamorphine, Ecstasy, Feneazepam, Grass, Heroin, Inhalants, Jellies, Ketamine, LSD, Magic Mushrooms, New Psychoactive Substances, Opiates, Puff, Quat, Resin, Smilies, Temazepan, Ultram, Vanilla Sky, Weed, XTC, Yaba and Zoly.

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Posted: Jul 24th, 2014
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Barry Hearn to spice up office jobs with entrance music and dancing girls

Who'd have thought something so dull could be made that interesting?A Bedford-based logistics company is working with renowned sports promoter Barry Hearn, in an attempt to make their office jobs more popular with the addition of loud music, rowdy live audiences and dancing girls.

The move was the idea of Managing Director Alan ‘The Big Boss’ Ball, who thinks Hearn’s track record of making a huge success of darts, and revolutionising snooker, makes him the ideal partner for his business.

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Posted: Jul 23rd, 2014
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Prince Charles busted in ‘Operation Poppyseed’ dawn raid

Minutes later several horses were taken into care from Princess Anne’s mansion at Gatcombe Park after testing positive for heroin.

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Posted: Jul 23rd, 2014
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