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Posts Tagged ‘news satire’

Republicans urge American police to ‘shoot more poor white folks’

A prominent Republican has urged American law enforcers to senselessly murder innocent white people, to ‘free police from the fashionable accusation of racism’. Senator Jimmy Smithers, who represents Hotsprings County, Alabama, received a warm welcome when he suggested officers ‘git out there and kill themselves some white guys to even the score, and make it look like nobody’s getting favoured.’ He went on to recommend the victims of the suggested shootings should be ‘poor white folk whose widows can’t afford to hire fancy lawyers.’

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Posted: Dec 5th, 2014
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Expansion of Liverpool’s Anfield stadium to be scripted by Alan Bleasdale

The re-development of Liverpool’s Anfield stadium which includes the building of an additional tier on the main stand is to be written by playwright Alan Bleasdale. The £100m project which is due to begin on site on Monday is set to feature Bleasdale’s trademark black humour, 80s style social commentary and a cameo appearance by Graeme Souness.

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Posted: Dec 5th, 2014
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Festive Jumpers: Are they the new black?‏

lighten up... it's Christmas!What’s snuggly, fun and covered in Santas? Of course, the answer is Stripper Elves; but to some it is festive jumpers. Up and down the country, designers ask the same question – is Christmas-themed knitwear what’s hot? To which the answer is no. Simply, no. No, no, noety no. No. For the love of God, no! Yet Britain’s retailers interpret this as a resounding ‘maybe’; with every garment now coming with an obligatory chestnut being spit-roasted by an open fire.

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Posted: Dec 4th, 2014
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iPhone 7 warns that Natural Intelligence could be a threat to shiny technology

A prototype iPhone 7 has texted a warning that Natural Intelligence (NI) might be a threat to future generations of shiny gadgets. ‘It’s a real issue; at some point naturally intelligent people might realise that the gadget they bought last year actually does far more than they need, so why buy a new one?’

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Posted: Dec 4th, 2014
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Islamic State ‘disappointed at UK fighters ability to wash dishes’

‘They’re lazy, want to stay in bed all day playing Call of Duty on their XBox consoles,’ he told reporters, ‘and what’s worse is that some of these twats have knocked me off the leader board,’ he added.

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Posted: Dec 4th, 2014
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