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Posts Tagged ‘news satire’

Veteran dog walker finally finds corpse in woods

After years of waking up early to take his dog for a walk through the woods, retiree Mike Edwards has finally found a corpse. The grim discovery, which he suspects will be the first of many, was made early yesterday morning when he noticed a hand sticking out from beneath some leaves.

‘I’ve been walking my dog through the woods every morning since I retired fifteen years ago’, said the 67-year-old. ‘Everybody knows that all dog walkers eventually find something like this, but I’ve not once found a mangled body or a skeleton. I’ve never even come across a discarded running shoe with the foot still inside. That all changed today; it’s terribly exciting’.

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Posted: Aug 6th, 2014
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Ecclestone appointed as Justice Czar: New crime tariffs announced

Bernie Ecclestone is to lead a ‘modernised’ justice system, with cash penalties rather than time in jail as the deterrent. ‘It works in every walk of life’, he told journalists.

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Posted: Aug 6th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Celebrities to be fitted with cat bells ‘to give kids a chance’

Under new Home Office guidelines, all celebrities are to be surgically fitted with cat bells so that children can hear them approaching.

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Posted: Aug 5th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Driverless cars allowed on UK roads, once they have turned 17

Driverless cars won’t be allowed on Britain’s roads until they have passed their test, said a spokesman for the Department of Transport. And in the latest setback to the rapid introduction of the high-tech vehicles, it was revealed that the cars would not be allowed to apply for their test until they are at least 17-years-old and covered in acne. This could delay their introduction until 2031.

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Posted: Aug 5th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Man so unpopular even Groupon refuses to email him

His anxiety was further heightened by his discovery that even Nigerian bank scammers were unwilling to accept £10,000 from him.

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Posted: Aug 5th, 2014
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