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Posts Tagged ‘news satire’

England refuse to win the World Cup in protest

they think it's all over...In a bold statement of principle, the English Football Association has agreed to forego any chance of winning a trophy in order to pressure FIFA into reforming. Despite knowing that any team with Chris Smalling in it is bound to achieve Euro and World glory, the FA has insisted we will turn our back on this ‘dead cert’ unless Qatar relocates to the North Pole, FIFA rejects their Mob accountancy and Sepp Blatter admits he is Keyser Söze.

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Posted: Nov 18th, 2014
More from Sport



DEFRA enter into an unholy alliance with Badgers

‘The game has changed,’ said a DEFRA spokesman, ‘this is ducks against humans. The Bovine Protection Army can shove its Badger Cull up its arse as far as we’re concerned.’

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Posted: Nov 18th, 2014
More from News In Brief



NHS announces cull after outbreak of man ‘flu

At least 6000 layabouts are to be culled after a man exhibited symptoms of ‘man flu’ yesterday on a Yorkshire farm, having just returned from the seasonal ‘booze cruise’ migration.

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Posted: Nov 18th, 2014
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Bob Geldof to extend Band Aid concept to Boomtown Rats singles

The Great British Geldof‘It’s feckin’ genius,’ said the singer/songwriter, speaking about the fourth successful release of ‘Don’t They Know it’s Christmas?’ in thirty years. ‘I can’t believe it, surely they’ve cracked on to the date by now?’ he asked before launching into his new project. ‘You know, one of the reasons I stopped doing the Boomtown Rats was because writing songs is so feckin’ tedious, making words rhyme and stories that sorta make some sense,’ he said, adding, ‘but then I thought why don’t I do a Band Aid thing with my old songs, change a lyric here, add a chord there, slip in Bono wherever I can?’

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Posted: Nov 17th, 2014
More from Arts/Entertainment



Labour Mission Control ‘fear we may have lost contact’ with Miliband

‘We’ve been trying to get through to Ed for some time,’ said a member of the shadow cabinet, ‘but we’re not sure messages are getting through. They seem to take about 28 minutes to reach him and apparently about the same to return, but that’s supposition, nobody’s waited that long so far.’

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Posted: Nov 17th, 2014
More from News In Brief