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Posts Tagged ‘news satire’

Top civil servants can’t work out if A-level pass rate rising or not

In a shock development, it has emerged that grade inflation has been happening for so long now that even top civil servants at the Department of Education, supposedly the cream of the crop, are functionally innumerate and can’t work out if the A-level pass rate is higher this year than last.

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Posted: Aug 14th, 2015
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New research reveals Captain Oates actually left Scott’s Antarctic party for gay spa

couldn't wait to get away in the name of exploration.Captain Lawrence Oates’ position as the undisputed ideal of understated British self-sacrifice has come under threat, as historians have unearthed research suggesting that he in fact abandoned his dying companions in a blizzard-whipped tent for a pina colada in the local gay Antarctic spa, ‘The Cheeky Penguin’.

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Posted: Aug 14th, 2015
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Government to relaunch Dad’s Army to repel asylum seekers

Defence Secretary Philip Hammond has today revealed plans to reform the Home Guard, originally set up during the Second World War as a last line of defence against a Nazi invasion, to prevent swarms of asylum seekers from invading the home counties.

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Posted: Aug 13th, 2015
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‘Donald Trump’ becomes new safe word

The real-estate magnate and Presidential-hopeful, has emerged as the GOP’s frontrunner to become America’s new codeword for crossing emotional and moral boundaries. Organized BDSM groups will be using the phrase ‘Donald Trump’ to warn members when they are about to exceed sexual limits or say ‘something dumbass about menstruation’.

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Posted: Aug 13th, 2015
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Government to ‘halt’ benefits of everyone on benefits

The government has announced it will ‘halt’ the benefits of everyone on benefits following the ‘success’ of a pilot scheme, in which people on benefits who had their benefits ‘halted’ either ‘found work’, or coincidentally died.

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Posted: Aug 13th, 2015
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