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Posts Tagged ‘news satire’

Small shops ‘ruining high street’, say shoppers

‘Grocery stores, card shops and florists are ruining our town centres,’ said one shopper, dismayed that she had to ‘fight tooth and nail for a parking space, had to wait ages to be served, couldn’t get any loyalty points when I did and had no chance of finding a decent charity shop to offload my junk in,’ following the closure of the local out-of-town supermarkets.

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Posted: Nov 19th, 2014
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England refuse to win the World Cup in protest

they think it's all over...In a bold statement of principle, the English Football Association has agreed to forego any chance of winning a trophy in order to pressure FIFA into reforming. Despite knowing that any team with Chris Smalling in it is bound to achieve Euro and World glory, the FA has insisted we will turn our back on this ‘dead cert’ unless Qatar relocates to the North Pole, FIFA rejects their Mob accountancy and Sepp Blatter admits he is Keyser Söze.

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Posted: Nov 18th, 2014
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DEFRA enter into an unholy alliance with Badgers

‘The game has changed,’ said a DEFRA spokesman, ‘this is ducks against humans. The Bovine Protection Army can shove its Badger Cull up its arse as far as we’re concerned.’

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Posted: Nov 18th, 2014
More from News In Brief



NHS announces cull after outbreak of man ‘flu

At least 6000 layabouts are to be culled after a man exhibited symptoms of ‘man flu’ yesterday on a Yorkshire farm, having just returned from the seasonal ‘booze cruise’ migration.

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Posted: Nov 18th, 2014
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Bob Geldof to extend Band Aid concept to Boomtown Rats singles

The Great British Geldof‘It’s feckin’ genius,’ said the singer/songwriter, speaking about the fourth successful release of ‘Don’t They Know it’s Christmas?’ in thirty years. ‘I can’t believe it, surely they’ve cracked on to the date by now?’ he asked before launching into his new project.

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Posted: Nov 17th, 2014
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