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Posts Tagged ‘news spoof’

Claims Direct appointed to solve Gaza crisis

‘This could be the peace breakthrough everyone has been waiting for,’ said one UN observer. With an arm injury netting up to £191,500 for the injured party, the hope is that just the presence of the Claims Direct injury experts in the area will have a highly sobering effect on anyone prepared to lob missiles, grenades or rude and hurtful insults over the fence at their neighbours.

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Posted: Jul 27th, 2014
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America’s smokers mourn last man to make smoking cool

too cool‘The last guy capable of making smoking appear cool, attractive and generally badass.’

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Posted: Jul 26th, 2014
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Beach loses Blue Flag status following ‘blue flag eyesore’

Beach staff were told to lower the flag and hide it somewhere as the sight of it was an ‘eyesore at odds with the natural beauty’ of the bay. Council staff were said to be disappointed at the ruling, but hoped the move would lead to the beach being designated an EU ‘Flag Free Zone’, and be eligible to display the official pennants.

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Posted: Jul 26th, 2014
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Television news switched off in favour of barbecue

Something simply had to be doneBritish television viewers have decided to abandon their TV sets this weekend, thereby missing the important new stories of plane crashes, Gaza and the imminent outbreak of World War Three. Instead they are going to concentrate on getting the barbecue working and drinking Pimms in the back garden.

‘It seems like the right thing to do’ said Lily from Clapham, south London. ‘There are lots of people worrying about the state of the world right now, and I think the best contribution we can make is to have too much to drink on the patio and eat a lot of barbecued chicken wings. If we can get a bit of a sun tan at the same time then so much the better.’

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Posted: Jul 25th, 2014
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Dylan ‘beyond disappointed’ after hearing tambourine song

Witnesses claim that Dylan’s expression darkened as it became clear that a song played exclusively on a tambourine, a totally percussive instrument with a limited notational range, was really pretty fucking boring.

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Posted: Jul 25th, 2014
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