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Posts Tagged ‘news spoof’

Sturridge in cotton wool collision horror

Liverpool ace Daniel Sturridge has been ruled out of contention for six weeks after a terrifying accident at his home. The injury was sustained when the striker tripped and fell into several giant balls of fluffy cotton wool, which the club use to line the walls of his house following recommendations from leading medical specialists. A team of surgeons was called in to assess the latest damage to Sturridge. They gave him a sicknote to take to Anfield, but unfortunately he sustained paper cuts as he was handing the document over to Liverpool’s new manager Jurgen Klopp.

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Posted: Oct 26th, 2015
More from Sport

Talk Talk hackers complain about Talk Talk broadband

‘If they had a decent broadband service, or even a half decent technical support team, we’d have cleared out their data weeks ago,’ confirmed one of the hackers responsible for making Talk Talk look even worse than normal.

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Posted: Oct 26th, 2015
More from News In Brief

English Rugby team planning own version of Haka

hasn't put it away since he got there New version will celebrate drinking lager and mooning

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Posted: Sep 28th, 2015
More from From The Archives

Cameron ‘passed the port to the right’

New revelations about David Cameron’s student days claim that he ‘wantonly’ passed port in ‘an anticlockwise direction’.

An unnamed source, now a High Court Judge, described an occasion when Cameron allegedly attempted to fill his glass, despite being on the wrong side. ‘Naturally, I enquired whether he knew the Bishop of Norwich – this being the most direct way a gentleman may point out such a faux pas – but Cameron persisted in topping me up. With port I mean, not the other thing’.

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Posted: Sep 26th, 2015
More from Politics

Fisherman told Green Party membership now at sustainable levels

Following on from the news that North Sea cod is to return to the dinner table, the Marine Conservation Society (MCS) has declared that ‘tree-hugging beardy-weirdys’ are no longer endangered. Members of the public are now permitted to mock environmentalists without fear of reducing their numbers and are free to ‘fry them’ in ridicule, ‘batter’ them with abuse and smother them in the ‘ketchup of their scorn’.

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Posted: Sep 25th, 2015
More from Environment