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US announces staged withdrawal from ‘spillage in aisle 14’

still considering pre-emptive strike on Lidl Starting with 12,000 troops leaving the Jams, Spreads, Preserves and Marmalades aisle

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Posted: Nov 11th, 2015
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Email respondents to only answer first question

New office protocols have been confirmed this week in which people answering emails will only have deal with the first question they read, ignoring the list of queries that need attention underneath.

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Posted: Apr 20th, 2015
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Labour promises more sunshine for Scotland

Mr Miliband has promised that should they vote for him to become Prime Minister, more of the balmy spring weather that the capital is enjoying will be diverted North of the border.

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Posted: Apr 15th, 2015
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Hillary Clinton to enter the UK election

Dear Bill...British voters, despairing of the ineptitude of their own politicians, have been buoyed by the news that Hillary Clinton is on the verge of declaring her candidacy for Prime Minister. Up until now many had assumed Mrs Clinton would stick to the Presidential race, but she has been tempted by the rigorous challenge of battling wits with the UK’s best or ‘shooting fish in a barrel’ as it is called.

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Posted: Apr 12th, 2015
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Malcolm Rifkind launches ‘MP Relief’

Malcolm Rifkind has launched the first charity appeal designed to raise money for impoverished MPs. ‘I’m passionate about this cause,’ he says, ‘Many MPs are currently sleeping on benches. Green ones, all day.’

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Posted: Feb 25th, 2015
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