NewsBiscuit

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Posts Tagged ‘news’

BBC to mix’n’match old stories with new

updated, on the hour, every three yearsFollowing the success of its website, which takes visitors to old news items as if they were recent events, the BBC has decided to randomise all news coverage, with old events appearing alongside new.

‘The BBC believes in challenging itself’, a spokesman said. ‘The licence-fee payer deserves a service which is distinct from that offered by other news outlets – CNN, Al Jazeera etc. One question we asked was : why does news have to be so new? What’s wrong with classic news?

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Posted: Sep 29th, 2014
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Ipswich man fears that whole news cycle is a satire

you couldn't make it upAfter spending many years reading satirical news articles online in between looking up real news stories online, Joseph Capgrass, 38, of Ipswich has confessed that he has lost the ability to tell the difference between real and parody news coverage. It has left his world in tatters.

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Posted: Sep 22nd, 2014
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New tech allows ‘blood sucking bankers’ to upgrade from metaphor to fact

Barclays’ business customers will now be able to log on by scanning the unique pattern of their veins; or as one banker described it as ‘…the fast track to their life essence’. Slumbering in their coffins by day, Barclays’ employees will now visit savers in their homes at twilight but only if the customer has signed a waver ‘inviting them in’, ‘banning the use of garlic’ and to avoid all reference to ‘PPIs’.

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Posted: Sep 6th, 2014
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24-hour ceasefire announced in Gaza to celebrate Prince George’s 1st birthday

‘Even though we have lost 600 of our people in 14 days nothing raises the spirits like a royal occasion, if only for a few hours before the slaughter starts again.’

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Posted: Jul 22nd, 2014
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easyJet to introduce pre-cancelled flights

you can stay at home and look up your destination on the internet once the booking's completeIn a bold move to reduce the amount of time that passengers spend waiting for flights that never take off, Easyjet are to introduce the pre-cancelled flight. Hours of frustrating and pointless waiting will be eliminated and delays could be made a thing of the past. ‘Flights will be booked as normal with the added choice of pre-cancellation for a small fee,’ said an Easyjet spokesperson for a small fee. ‘Customers will no longer need to wait around in the airport living off overpriced takeaway food and choking on their own sense of injustice.

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Posted: Feb 19th, 2014
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