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Posts Tagged ‘news’

24-hour ceasefire announced in Gaza to celebrate Prince George’s 1st birthday

‘Even though we have lost 600 of our people in 14 days nothing raises the spirits like a royal occasion, if only for a few hours before the slaughter starts again.’

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Posted: Jul 22nd, 2014
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easyJet to introduce pre-cancelled flights

you can stay at home and look up your destination on the internet once the booking's completeIn a bold move to reduce the amount of time that passengers spend waiting for flights that never take off, Easyjet are to introduce the pre-cancelled flight. Hours of frustrating and pointless waiting will be eliminated and delays could be made a thing of the past. ‘Flights will be booked as normal with the added choice of pre-cancellation for a small fee,’ said an Easyjet spokesperson for a small fee. ‘Customers will no longer need to wait around in the airport living off overpriced takeaway food and choking on their own sense of injustice.

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Posted: Feb 19th, 2014
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Stephen Hawking: ‘There are no Universal Credits’

‘Universal Credits exist only in the mind of IDS and have no place in the rational universe as we know it.’

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Posted: Jan 29th, 2014
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Bulgarian and Romanian immigrants read Daily Mail and head back home

‘According to the front page of the Daily Mail, I was only coming to the UK to take advantage of the NHS and sponge off the benefits system. A quick flick to page 2 and it seems I am actually going to steal everyone’s job.’

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Posted: Dec 31st, 2013
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Druids working round the clock to restore ley lines

Druids pledging to get it right any day nowThe council of British Druids have been working through the night to restore ley lines which have been damaged by recent storms. Many households have been without spiritual energy throughout the Yuletide holiday which has affected psychic connections in many parts of the country.

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Posted: Dec 30th, 2013
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