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Man who shook hands with Sepp Blatter apologises ‘for causing offence’

a simple gesture of respect and reconciliation, leaving the other hand free to accept cashA man who yesterday shook hands with embattled FIFA president Sepp Blatter has sought to downplay the significance of his actions and apologise for any offence he may have caused.

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Posted: Nov 25th, 2014
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Benedict Cumberbatch to win/star in everything and marry your wife

Benedict Cumberbatch is to run the whole world, after appearing in all television programmes and securing world peace, it has emerged.

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Posted: Nov 6th, 2014
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Tim Cook: Proud to be gay, not proud of iTunes

'discrimination against Windows is wrong!'Apple’s CEO has given his support to alternate sexualities but refused to endorse any music player that refuses to sync with other devices. A spokesman for the global corporation admitted: ‘We need to be tolerant of all MP3 players regardless of brand. As a market leader we need to be more accepting of others – even if Windows Media Player is a crime against nature’.

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Posted: Oct 31st, 2014
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Marketing exec fired for Halloween ‘lack of imagination’

Don Price is the ex-Marketing Manager of The Norwich Broom Store today having lost his job for failing to cash in on the Halloween bonanza. While every other shop in town had managed to find a Halloween angle to boost sales, Price could not come up with anything.

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Posted: Oct 31st, 2014
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Government to cut emergency services ‘to stop people needing help’

‘Pastimes such as candlelit dinners, smoking cigarettes while asleep and drying your shell-suits over the paraffin heater will become life-threatening adrenaline sports’ said a Downing Street spokesman.

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Posted: Oct 30th, 2014
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