‘We’ve made fantastic progress,’ said a senior A&E consultant, referring to the news that the NHS was missing fewer targets than in November. ‘First we started locking the doors, then we gave everybody a couple of aspirin and told them to fuck off. Most never returned, so they were clearly putting it on.’
Posted: Jan 25th, 2015
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A new report has also confirmed that many patients are suffering the indignity of having to share large rooms, or ‘wards’, with other sick people while waiting for cupboards to become available.
Posted: Jan 19th, 2015
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‘Cancer treatment is my number one priority, after Ebola treatment, unless that nurse is getting better, in which case cancer treatment, or at least the cancers that are treatable, you know, the ones that probably go away after a while anyway, are my highest priority…’
Posted: Jan 15th, 2015
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Asked what this stood for, the Health Minister looked puzzled and said ‘It doesn’t stand for anything, that’s just its name.’
Posted: Jan 13th, 2015
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An outbreak of deafness affecting four million people in the UK could last as long as 122 days, says NHS England. ‘We don’t expect any improvement until May 8th,’ a NHS spokeswoman said.
Posted: Jan 6th, 2015
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