NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

Posts Tagged ‘NHS’

NHS to become online-only

Health Minister Jeremy Hunt has calculated that the NHS could save billions if it operated as a computer model, like the Matrix, instead of as a real-world service trying to treat sick people in 3D.

‘What we’re seeing is errors, cock-ups really,’ said Hunt. ‘And they’re costing the NHS billions. We contemplated a poster campaign saying something like ‘Stop Making Mistakes, You Muppets’, but then somebody pointed out that posters with patronising messages would just make people hate me even more. And what good did a poster ever do, really? It’s a stupid idea. Probably one of Andrew Lansley’s, actually.

Read more >

Posted: Oct 18th, 2014
More from Health



Travelodge to bid for NHS accommodation contract

Following the suggestion that NHS patients should be charged £75 per night for bed and breakfast the beleaguered hotel chain Travelodge has offered to take the contract on at far lower cost.

Read more >

Posted: Oct 7th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Doctor’s receptionists now better qualified than doctors, says NHS

‘It can be embarrassing at times,’ said one patient, ‘having to remove my trousers and underpants in the waiting room so that the receptionist could see the suppurating pustules on the end of my knob.’

Read more >

Posted: Sep 30th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Challenging day for Dr Christian as his mum appears on Embarrassing Bodies

Diagnosis: Run Away!!!‘He just clammed up and looked very strange as soon as I started explaining about my thick smelly discharge.’

Read more >

Posted: Sep 27th, 2014
More from From The Archives



Love doctors ‘working longer hours than ever’

Oooh! Carry on MatronThe NHS has come under fire after a Panorama programme showed that it is ‘systematically failing’ lovesick Britons by cutting the number of ‘leurve’ doctors trained to deliver emotional and erotic first aid.

Read more >

Posted: Aug 30th, 2014
More from From The Archives