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Posts Tagged ‘NHS’

New figures show hospital patients waiting too long to be put into cupboards

A new report has also confirmed that many patients are suffering the indignity of having to share large rooms, or ‘wards’, with other sick people while waiting for cupboards to become available.

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Posted: Jan 19th, 2015
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Cameron: ‘We will still provide paracetamol for cancer patients’

‘Cancer treatment is my number one priority, after Ebola treatment, unless that nurse is getting better, in which case cancer treatment, or at least the cancers that are treatable, you know, the ones that probably go away after a while anyway, are my highest priority…’

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Posted: Jan 15th, 2015
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Health Minister abolishes ‘NICE’; launches ‘NASTY’

Asked what this stood for, the Health Minister looked puzzled and said ‘It doesn’t stand for anything, that’s just its name.’

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Posted: Jan 13th, 2015
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UK deafness epidemic ‘may last up to 122 days’

An outbreak of deafness affecting four million people in the UK could last as long as 122 days, says NHS England. ‘We don’t expect any improvement until May 8th,’ a NHS spokeswoman said.

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Posted: Jan 6th, 2015
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Doctors to fight Ebola virus with NHS food

As yet there is no known cure for Ebola but the doctor in charge of the case has said he is yet to find anything that is able to survive a dose of NHS macaroni cheese and a follow up course of lukewarm apple pie and custard-like liquid.

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Posted: Jan 1st, 2015
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