Daily Express owner Richard Desmond launches a new health lottery today, with strong ticket sales anticipated among the learning impaired and morons.
Posted: Sep 27th, 2011
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The NHS has come under fire after a Panorama programme showed that it is ‘systematically failing’ lovesick Britons by cutting the number of ‘leurve’ doctors trained to deliver emotional and erotic first aid.
Posted: Aug 30th, 2011
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‘Interruptions such as customers asking for ketchup and straws, begging for no ice in the coke or asking difficult questions about abattoir hygiene could stop staff from doing their jobs properly.’
Posted: Aug 30th, 2011
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A 22-stone man has been told he can have a ‘life-saving’ gastric bypass built around his local McDonalds, despite losing a legal case after being rejected for it previously.
Posted: Aug 17th, 2011
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A major UK Armed Forces Careers Day was declared a success by military chiefs after it passed without one reference to the reasonably high probability of becoming a fatality statistic upon signing up. The joint careers effort from Britain’s army, navy and air force focused on learning a trade and ‘softer’ subjects including adventure training and the comparative ‘scoring potential’ of the different uniforms.
Posted: Jul 31st, 2011
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