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Posts Tagged ‘NHS’

NHS resurrection performance slammed

The NHS is failing to meet government targets to raise people from the dead according to a new report from the NHS watchdog Nicene.

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Posted: Apr 14th, 2014
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The Verve accused of peddling inadequate flu-remedy

The songwriter Richard Ashcroft and his band have come under close scrutiny with regards their connection between 90s rock music and the UK stockpiling £473m of Tamiflu in 2006. The Cochrane Collaboration claims the drug had no positive impact on the flu pandemic and there is a growing suspicion that The Verve’s No.1, ‘The Drugs Don’t Work’, was a clear mission statement for future clinical trials.

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Posted: Apr 12th, 2014
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‘We’re better prepared for a nasty cold than ever’, says government

‘We’ve all experienced really bad colds,’ said a spokesman, ‘and if someone else you know has got a cold as well, well that’s doubly sad.’

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Posted: Apr 11th, 2014
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Riots break out in Trumpton over fire station closure

Mrs Honeyman went on and on and on and on about the injustice of it all.Violence erupted in the sleepy backwater of Trumpton last night following the announcement that the fire station would be closed and services provided by Fireman Sam Plc from CBBC.

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Posted: Mar 21st, 2014
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Jeremy Hunt trials new hi-tech ‘contactless’ NHS

Fed up with having to deal with inefficient and often sick NHS workers, the UK Health Secretary has introduced a trial of ‘contactless healthcare’, which does away entirely with the need for any physical presence. Just like an oyster card, your new NHS care card can be topped up with platitudes and sound bites ready to be deployed at any time you feel a touch of one-day flu coming on.

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Posted: Mar 4th, 2014
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