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Posts Tagged ‘Nick Clegg’

Independent Scotland ‘will never know sex of Royal baby’, says PM

Won't be called Alex, that's for sureDavid Cameron has denied that the campaign against Scottish independence has ‘run out of ideas’ today by announcing that an independent Scotland will ‘never find out’ what sex the new Royal baby turns out to be. ‘I won’t tell you whether it’s a girl or a boy, and you won’t be able to watch BBC News 24 to find out either,’ the prime minister said at a Better Together hustings in Dumfries. ‘And don’t expect the Queen to tell you either, if you vote yes she’ll be bloody furious.’

The Royal baby news has caused an otherwise leaden referendum campaign to explode into life. Scottish Labour MP Jim Murphy has returned to his tedious tour of Scotland’s high streets, temporarily abandoned last week after an egg-throwing voter accused him of ‘not talking about the Royal family enough’.

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Posted: Sep 8th, 2014
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Parliament rushes through soccer-style January UKIP transfer window

Nigel Farage was today sensationally wrong-footed as the UK parliament passed legislation to only allow defections from the main political parties to UKIP during the same timeframes as current English football transfer windows.

As the next football transfer window is from 1-31 January next year, UKIP defections will only be allowed during the same period.

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Posted: Sep 4th, 2014
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Government raises UK bullshit threat level to ‘severe’

The UK’s bullshit threat level has been raised from ‘substantial’ to ‘severe’ meaning that the possibility of impending bullshit is highly likely.

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Posted: Sep 3rd, 2014
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Nick Clegg to use everyone’s paternity leave next year

another great idea!Anticipating he will have a lot of ‘free time on his hands’ after the next election, the Deputy Prime Minister has volunteered to provide round-the-clock support to all new parents. The Liberal Democrat’s’ manifesto will pledge that Mr. Clegg will stay with couples for up to six weeks after the birth of their child; providing nappy changing, reassuring hugs and amusing anecdotes about proportionate representation if ‘…baby refuses to go to sleep’.

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Posted: Aug 31st, 2014
More from Politics



Scottish voters urged to consider Salmond’s ‘big pleading eyes’

In a last-ditch attempt to swing the vote in the Scottish independence referendum , the ‘Yes’ camp has launched a series of posters and television advertisements sponsored by the RSPCA.

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Posted: Aug 10th, 2014
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