NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

Posts Tagged ‘Nick Clegg’

Cable only got into politics because of mid-life crisis

‘There I was, chief economist at Shell, good salary,’ said Cable, ‘but the second I hit the big 4-0 I knew it wasn’t enough. I needed some excitement in my life. Only becoming a Liberal Democrat MP could slake that thirst.’

Read more >

Posted: Jul 2nd, 2014
More from News In Brief



Savile ‘may have been adviser to Cameron’

Details were emerging last night that Jimmy Savile may have been even more revoltingly criminal than anyone had previously imagined. The latest allegation is that he may have ‘advised’ David Cameron. A police spokesman said: ‘This simply beggars belief and will be hard to bear for the victims, of which there will be a staggering number.’

Cabinet Office officials have admitted that Savile may have been granted unfettered access to dead or dying government policies. He was known to have an abnormal interest in ‘going over figures’, and liked to visit the Treasury where many differently-abled individuals were being cared for.

Read more >

Posted: Jun 29th, 2014
More from Politics



Cameron and Clegg to form ‘sorry duet’

Agents for David Cameron and Nick Clegg have announced today that the talented pair of apologists will form a ‘duet’ to delight their fans with harmonised atonements and excuses. The pair are tipped to top the charts with such classics as, ‘Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word’, ‘Careless Whispers’ and ‘A Little Bit Me, A Little Bit You’ by the Monkees.

Read more >

Posted: Jun 26th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Nick Clegg to play with tiny steering wheel during Prime Minister’s Questions

he can make all the noises, tooCan use the toy steering wheel to turn left and turn right in accordance with prevailing government policy.

Read more >

Posted: Jun 6th, 2014
More from From The Archives



Lord Rennard to play Cyril Smith in Lib Dem biopic

‘Cyril was brilliant at connecting with young voters, especially young men,’ said an excited Lord Rennard. ‘Similarly, I have succeeded in getting into more young women at parties – er, I mean getting more young women into the party.’

Read more >

Posted: Jun 2nd, 2014
More from News In Brief