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Posts Tagged ‘Nick Clegg’

God, Allah and Jehovah struggle to agree on live TV debate format

...and what about the Zoroastrians?Despite increasing strife between their respective followers and the impending Judgement Day in which the sheep may or may not be separate from the goats and the unbelievers may or may not be cast into the eternal pit of fire, it has emerged that God, Allah and Jehovah are still unable to agree on the format of their long-awaited live TV debate.

The main bone of contention is said to be whether or not other gods should be included, while there have also been calls for a separate debate to the north, where Odin is seen as a serious contender. Jehovah, a jealous god, has refused point blank to appear on the same platform as Ba’al or Marduk, while Allah insists that no other gods can take part in the debate because they don’t exist anyway.

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Posted: Jan 15th, 2015
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Tony Blair ready to challenge Labour leadership ‘within 45 minutes’

In a frank interview the former Labour Party leader denied he had been critical of Ed Miliband and his leadership of the party. ‘Sure I might have said he is a useless fuckwit, but everyone says that,’ he said, adding, ‘and I might have suggested that it should be possible for any half-brained, bleeding heart, know nothing politician to look better than that useless twat Cameron, but obviously I was referring to Nick Clegg, who I don’t think should lead the Labour Party. Or any party, come to think of it.’

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Posted: Jan 1st, 2015
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Theresa May announces delay to the ’1980s Paedophile cover-up’

Theresa May announced today that the cover-up into 1980s child abuse will be delayed due to the amount of evidence that needs to be destroyed before the inquiry can begin.

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Posted: Dec 23rd, 2014
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Prime Minister’s Rhetorical Question Time gets off to good start

In a move set to streamline parliamentary business and leave Mr Cameron more time to spend with his family, eager MPs will now compete with each other to address pointless questions to an empty podium for half an hour.

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Posted: Dec 23rd, 2014
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Clegg ‘in tears’ after Cameron reveals truth about Santa

it's really going to hurt when he reaises Lib Dem voters don't exist eitherNick Clegg is reported to have fled the Cabinet Briefing Room in tears today following an ‘emotional’ and ‘frank’ discussion with David Cameron about Father Christmas.

‘I told Dave to stop,’ said Vince Cable, ‘but he seemed to be enjoying Nick’s discomfort a little too much. He had this sly little smile on his face. George Osborne was there too, warming his backside against the fire and throwing in snide comments about the Tooth Fairy.’

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Posted: Dec 9th, 2014
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