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Couple in critical condition after being exposed to ‘pure Brexit’
Even in its smallest doses it can flatten a city or bring Jacob Rees-Mogg to orgasm. [read...]
Tagged Nigel Farage
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Final Brexit deal ‘to be tested on mice’
Brexit Secretary David Davis has confirmed that the final terms of Britain’s exit from the EU will be trialled on mice under laboratory conditions before being rolled out across the country. The move has been broadly welcomed by MPs and business leaders who have expressed concerns about the effect an untested settlement could have on the UK economy. [read...]
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BBC searching for lost Dimblebys
The BBC has begun a global search for rumoured Dimbleby siblings deemed ‘lost’, in a bid to replace David Dimbleby, who announced his stepping down from the weekly Question Time panel show this week. It is thought that many Dimblebys may exist in the wild, [read...]
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Dacre’s replacement to be android with super-racist AI
Paul Dacre’s replacement as Daily Mail editor is to genetically engineered super-racist android, it has emerged. Named Adbensi, the android has a state-of-the-art AI software chip based on the collective philosophies of Hitler and Mussolini with just a smidge of Simon Cowell’s control-freakery melded in, [read...]
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Boris Johnson found guilty of not being Boris Johnson
Reg Clark, who says he honed his Boris Johnson character while playing the buffoon in an Edwardian farce for his local amateur dramatics society. [read...]