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Posts Tagged ‘Nigel Farage’

Radical new image set to change Clegg from lickspittle to dangerous maverick

Deputy Prime Minster Nick Clegg is set to unveil a radical change of image at next week’s Liberal Democrat Party conference. In an attempt to appear more enigmatic Clegg will deliver his leader’s speech wearing a patch over his right eye and a large scar on his left cheek.

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Posted: Oct 1st, 2014
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Parliament rushes through soccer-style January UKIP transfer window

Nigel Farage was today sensationally wrong-footed as the UK parliament passed legislation to only allow defections from the main political parties to UKIP during the same timeframes as current English football transfer windows.

As the next football transfer window is from 1-31 January next year, UKIP defections will only be allowed during the same period.

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Posted: Sep 4th, 2014
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Nigel Farage’s selection in jeopardy due to an allergy to real ale‏

UKIP members in South Thanet have been thrown into disarray by the unexpected hypersensitivity to unpasteurised beer of their frontrunner for the 2015 general election. Having quaffed over 20,000 pints on the election trail to appear as an ‘everyman’ to voters, Mr. Farage has now become riddled with hives every time he swallows a mouthful of Bishop’s Cock.

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Posted: Aug 27th, 2014
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UKIP propose residency test questions to be taken from University Challenge

UKIP have unveiled a manifesto pledge to make the British Citizenship UK residency test more stringent by lifting the questions directly from University Challenge. The proposals will also see applicants being asked to play ‘The Lark Ascending’ by Vaughan Williams on the violin instead of singing the national anthem.

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Posted: Aug 20th, 2014
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‘I was born in the wrong body,’ says Farage

UKIP leader Nigel Farage has revealed he is undertaking a course of political reassignment and is now living as ‘Nigel Chomsky’. ‘I was born in the body of a privileged right-winger but from as early as I can remember I wanted to be a socialist,’ Chomsky said.

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Posted: Aug 11th, 2014
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