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Posts Tagged ‘Nigel Farage’

David Cameron’s hair pledges to leave UK if Labour wins

frankly, I'm worth itWith less than a week to polling day, David Cameron’s hair has weighed into the general election campaign by threatening to pull up its roots and emigrate if the Labour party wins on 7 May. ‘Under this Conservative-led government, what we have seen from David Cameron’s hair is recovery from recession and a return to growth,’ said George Osborne today. ‘It’s been a miraculous turnaround. Figures show our prime minister now has the fastest-growing head of hair in Europe.’

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Posted: May 1st, 2015
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Baboon resigns from UKIP

A baboon has resigned from UKIP following a fierce debate in the party over its future bananas policies.

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Posted: Apr 27th, 2015
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‘Mr Straight Banana’ to revive UKIP campaign

In an attempt to rejuvenate their stumbling general election campaign, UKIP have unleashed their secret weapon. ‘Mr Straight Banana’, who is eight foot tall and bright yellow, will accompany UKIP candidates to key marginals in the South-East.

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Posted: Apr 25th, 2015
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Cameron’s ‘open neck’ approach seals the deal with swinging voters

gets Poldark's voteDashing David Cameron has gaily abandoned his jacket, tossed off his tie, rolled up his sleeves and exposed his fleshy forearms to openly signal that he is right up for ‘doing the business’ with millions of Britain’s uncommitted swinger voters who have gone with multiple parties in the past.

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Posted: Apr 24th, 2015
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Nigel Farage seeks TV debate in bikinis with Daily Mail’s Paul Dacre

could increase the Daily Mail's circulation if he had a column Paul Dacre ‘must also turn up in skimpy, alluring swimwear’

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Posted: Apr 23rd, 2015
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