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Posts Tagged ‘Nigel Farage’

Political parties given go ahead for new Subliminal Election Broadcasts

public currently still thinking for themselvesFrom next year, the traditional Party Election Broadcast will be replaced by a blipvert that operates below the threshold of human conscious perception. ‘The old party political broadcasts suffered from a terrible flaw,’ explained Tory party strategist Lynton Crosby. ‘As soon as anyone realised they were watching one, they immediately switched over.’

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Posted: May 6th, 2014
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Nigel Farage rules himself out of new Star Wars movie

Despite ‘not actually’ auditioning for Episode VII, the MEP for South East England has taken pre-emptive steps to obviate any possibility of him starring in the latest Star Wars blockbuster.

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Posted: May 1st, 2014
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UKIP to build new Headquarters with bricks sent in post

UKIP today announced plans to leave their current headquarters in Devon and move to a new, purpose-built head office in London. This proposal, originally scheduled for 2020, has been moved forward thanks to the thousands of bricks sent to their Freepost address during the European Election Campaign.

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Posted: Apr 30th, 2014
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Nigel Farage seeks TV debate in bikinis with Daily Mail’s Paul Dacre

could increase the Daily Mail's circulation if he had a columnUK Independence Party leader Nigel Farage has offered to dress up in a bikini for an exclusive debate with the Daily Mail to restate UKIP’s message, and is also willing to discuss the boundaries of UK sovereignty as long as Daily Mail editor Paul Dacre also turns up in skimpy, alluring swimwear, to create an atmosphere of gravity in line with that paper’s influential editorial norms.

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Posted: Apr 27th, 2014
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Nick Clegg to resort to ‘mum jokes’ in all future live debates

"I agree with Nick"Crestfallen Nick Clegg has been advised by his publicists to adopt a more ‘ruthless approach’ in all future live debates, by resorting to ‘mum jokes’ when backed into a corner by his opponent.

Clegg’s recent debate with UKIP’s Nigel Farage on Britain and the EU, televised live on BBC Two, resulted in UKIP storming home with a massive 68% of votes in a snap YouGov survey, leaving the Lib Dems with no other choice than to court the ‘mum joke’ vote.

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Posted: Apr 3rd, 2014
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