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Posts Tagged ‘NSA’

‘Prism’ becomes sentient, opens cat sanctuary

a warning that you can be exposed to too much of this stuffA spokesperson for America’s National Security Agency (NSA) held a red-faced press conference today, announcing that they no longer had control over Prism, their multi-million dollar, super-snooper software.

“One minute, it was churning through thousands of Facebook photos and the next it stopped and spoke for the first time,” said Burt McKenzie, Prism’s chief programmer and best friend ever.

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Posted: Aug 26th, 2013
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Guardian journalist held for ‘wearing wrong colour shirt’

journalist 'unaware' his fashion had expiredA journalist been held at Heathrow by the Guardian Style Editor for wearing a shirt ‘in a colour associated with last season’s menswear’. He was questioned for eight hours, the maximum possible under the Guardian’s style guide which governs how staff dress, as well as what they write. The journalist is thought to have dramatic unseen information related to the US National Security Agency and its relations with GCHQ. Delays to its publication could be serious, according to a foreign news correspondent from the paper. The accused shirt may have to be destroyed. It’s understood to be from Next.

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Posted: Aug 21st, 2013
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British Intelligence launch subscription surveillance service, GCHQ+

can access your bank account and transfer subscription to save you the bother, if you likeBritain’s biggest spy agency, GCHQ, said it was addressing the commercial concerns of 21st Century espionage with the introduction of a new paywall. ‘The move heralds a brave new world of electronic surveillance,’ claimed Foreign Secretary William Hague. ‘Now, for just £100 million you get complete access to everything we know.’

According to their adverts, the new service offers, ‘the very latest premier league wire taps, clandestine ops and, of course, every text, email and phone call that anyone ever makes. All sent direct to your own phone, tablet or home computer. No need to tell us your details. We already know.’

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Posted: Aug 6th, 2013
More from UK News



Edward Snowden trapped at Moscow airport in dispute over Ryanair surcharge

‘I had a travel plan all set up,’ explained Snowden, ‘but when Ryanair heard that I was wanted by the US government they slapped a £2m enemy-of-the-state surcharge on me.’

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Posted: Jun 27th, 2013
More from News In Brief



Britons have nothing to fear from large floating ‘Death Star’

finds your lack of faith 'disturbing'After reports from a whistle blower about strange things happening in the skies above Britain which has finally led members of the public to look up and say ‘Crikey!’ Foreign Secretary William Hague made it clear today that voters should not be worried by the partially constructed space station increasing in size each night in the sky above Slough.

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Posted: Jun 9th, 2013
More from UK News