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Posts Tagged ‘nursery rhymes’

Binge-eating pensioner admits it all started when she swallowed a fly

The old lady whose eating spree included several large animals has warned how such binges can start innocuously.

‘When I had my fly snack I thought nothing of it,’ she said, ‘but then, I thought I’d better have a spider for afters, as I hadn’t thought to kill the fly first.’

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Posted: Jun 4th, 2013
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Grand Old Duke of York ‘livid’ at army cuts

The Grand Old Duke of York reacted with fury last night as it was announced that his fighting force of 10,000 men may be drastically cut back. ‘A cut of 25% could destroy morale – 7,500 men marching around just looks silly,’ he said.

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Posted: Oct 20th, 2010
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Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie forced to sign sex offenders register

A Crown Court judge today branded Georgie Porgie ‘a sexual predator who forced himself on women’ after he admitted to kissing several girls and making them cry.

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Posted: Apr 3rd, 2010
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Jack and Jill’s parents taken to court by Health & Safety Executive

The parents of Jack and Jill appeared in court yesterday, accused of gross negligence.

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Posted: Dec 16th, 2009
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‘Little Miss Muffet is a cheating crack whore’ claims spider

Muffet 'ponies-up for skunk'‘She is a lying cheating bitch,’ claims the spider, ‘she was one of my girls, if you know what I mean, and she owes me money.’

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Posted: Aug 29th, 2009
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