Dolly was drawn to the teachers’ plight when she was in the UK in June during their one-day strike, which saw thousands of teachers having an extra day off on top of their usual 13 weeks’ holiday.

The NUT has welcomed the rhinestone-encrusted endorsement of their cause. A spokesman said ‘this is a great boost to our members who are about to face six long, paid weeks of no work. Many of our members are going to have to live off their pensions for more than 30 years, so it’s essential that there are no reductions in benefits.’

But a government spokesman had no sympathy for the teachers’ plight. He said: ‘Dolly or no Dolly, I hope they choose to spend some time sitting quietly and having a good think about their actions and how their behaviour doesn’t just affect themselves, but everyone else around them.’

flossie mcjava, hat-tips to button and dvo4fun

‘Nearly 750,000 teachers bunked off lessons last week, and not one of them had a letter from their parents,’ said Education Secretary Michael Gove. ‘Most of them just hung around in groups on street corners or caused antisocial behaviour outside government buildings. They’ve let me down, they’ve let the public down and they’ve let themselves down.’

Gove added that truanting teachers would be losing their lunchtime privileges for a week, and this would give them a chance to sit in the corner and think about what they have done.

Captain Emyr

‘It’s only right that those parents whose children’s school is closed due to the strikes should be visited by Ofsted inspectors to ensure that they are providing a good standard of education to their child. After all, we wouldn’t children’s education suffering.’

Parents will be graded on their leadership and management of the learning environment, while family members and neighbours will need to be CRB checked to ensure they don’t present a risk to pupils. Homes that are deemed to be failing will be offered the opportunity to become ‘academies’.

It is understood that a number of visits by inspectors to home schools have been thwarted by the institutions being closed for teacher training or educational trips to the shops.

Mr Payne

‘Our members always put the education of their children above their own personal gain,’ explained union leader Christine Blower, ‘and having given careful consideration to these pension changes, we now realise that pupils can learn more if we accept the changes than if we don’t. If we weren’t showing them that you get shafted by your employer whether you’re in the public or private sector, and that you’ll probably have to work until you die, we wouldn’t be doing our jobs properly.’

However, one French teacher is disappointed by the decision. ‘I’ve got some teachers from France coming here for an exchange trip. They love a good strike, but now they’re just going to have to help my class practice their French speaking skills or something. They’ll be bitterly disappointed.’

Recent Ofcom statistics reveal that the past 22 years has seen a consistent year-on-year increase of newspaper articles about exam results. ‘What are they teaching them?,” he spluttered.

Jeremy Dear at the NUJ came to the defence of his charges. ‘Naysayers don’t appreciate the hard work and effort that goes in to creating well-rounded, effective page fillers.’

Sheik Mahand

‘There are some very good teachers out there,’ said a government minister, ‘but too many are coming to school without the proper gym kit. Tired excuses such as ‘my washing machine broke’ and ‘my dog ate it’ simply will not be tolerated anymore’

Pupils seemed positive about the idea. At all boys school in Guildford, students were reported to have shown a renewed interest in volleyball after one female member of staff taught them dressed only in her bra and knickers.
fernandomando

A furious Mr Ford brushed aside historical claim and counter claim, following his opening question: ‘OK, who started it?’  The Israeli PM looked at the floor when shown pictures of  bomb-scarred streets in Gaza City and asked ‘How would you like it if somebody did that to your home?’  Meanwhile Mr Haniyey nodded assent  that suicide bomb attacks on innocent civilians were ‘not big or clever’.

After an afternoon of  ‘constructive monologe’, both parties agreed to turn over a new leaf, followed by a final reprimand from Mr Ford: ‘You two are your own worst enemies; you’ve let the Roadmap down, you’ve let the Middle East down, but worst of all, you’ve let yourselves down. Now shake hands. Go on…’