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Posts Tagged ‘Ofsted’

Shock as Ofsted report finds pupil achievement ‘depends on intelligence’

After many years of analysis, research and data collection, Ofsted has finally determined that the overall final achievement level of children in UK schools is entirely dependent on how clever they are.

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Posted: Jul 17th, 2014
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‘Messing about still core to curriculum’, says OFSTED report

Messing and mucking about is still the most important part of the school curriculum for most pupils, according to OFSTED. ‘It’s my favourite bit,’ said Brett, a year eight pupil at Scunthorpe Comp, ‘though school dinners when it’s double burger, chips and beans is good.’

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Posted: Jun 29th, 2014
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Welsh sheep ‘lack vision’ says damning report

‘The country has too many under-performing breeds content to just stand around in fields all day munching grass. They need to look beyond the farm gate.’

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Posted: Apr 13th, 2014
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Childcare reforms lead to first battery-farm nurseries

incredibly efficient education‘Each toddler up to the age of four will now be cared for in connecting cages sharing common divider walls’.

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Posted: Apr 4th, 2014
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Ofsted Chair ‘sleeps with the fishes’

received a better offer he couldn't refuseAfter the delivery of a ministerial attaché case containing an 11lb tuna to the headquarters of Ofsted, it has been hinted by sources at the Department of Education that the Chair of Ofsted, Labour Peer Baroness Morgan ‘Ain’t gonna be around no more, capisce?’

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Posted: Feb 3rd, 2014
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