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Posts Tagged ‘oil’

The West gets thank you card from Iraq

The West was seen blushing today after the remaining people in Iraq presented it with handmade ‘thank you’ card, signed by everyone who hasn’t had their fingers blown off or heads amputated.

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Posted: Mar 7th, 2015
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Guinea, Equatorial Guinea and Guinea-Bissau no longer sure which is which

Residents and tourists in the three small African states bearing the word ‘Guinea’ in their name report being increasingly confused about whether or not they are in the correct country.

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Posted: Jan 28th, 2015
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Irn Bru revenue siphoned off to fund the English economy

made from girders, Scottish girdersScottish nationalists are outraged at the disclosure that the revenue from Irn Bru is being siphoned off over the border. In secret moves by the Conservatives and Liberal Democrats, an order was made in 2012 making the land upon which Irn Bru production plants operate, English territory.

It is estimated that 15% of Irn Bru revenue will now end up in English coffers unless Scottish Independence can overturn the act.

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Posted: Feb 25th, 2014
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Cuadrilla plans to frack Eric Pickles

workers will only stop for pie breaksWith the cost of policing protests at its test drilling site in Sussex spiralling out of control, energy firm Cuadrilla has decided to try Plan B. Starting next week, it will begin fracking for oil and gas in an equally large and equally immobile site, the Communities and Local Government Secretary Eric Pickles. There are some major logistical challenges to overcome, the firm admitted.

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Posted: Aug 23rd, 2013
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Oil worker ‘gobsmacked’ at news he was to be the next Archbishop of Canterbury

Oil industry worker Justin Welby (56) says he was ‘gobsmacked’ when he heard he was to be the next Archbishop of Canterbury.

‘I was having a few morning pints with the lads before being flown back for another six months on the oil rigs,’ he said, ‘when the landlord said he’d heard on the telly that I was to be the next Archbishop of Canterbury. I was bloody gobsmacked.’

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Posted: Nov 9th, 2012
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