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Posts Tagged ‘old people’

Battersea Dogs Home to start taking in abandoned pensioners

‘We have found OAPs down country lanes, in other people’s sheds, and even one who had been put in a sack with bricks and thrown in the canal.’

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Posted: Dec 8th, 2011
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Spontaneous combustion threat to elderly this winter, Government warns

‘When you’re wearing as much knitwear and tweed as some pensioners, just turning the central heating up a notch too high can easily spell disaster.’

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Posted: Sep 26th, 2011
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Isle of Wight opens ‘CodgerWorld’, Britain’s first theme park for the elderly

‘Our centre offers the perfect place to keep the island’s key demographic occupied,’ said founder, Margret Briscoe, ‘and is ideally situated just a short bus ride from Sandown’s glamorous benches, bingo halls and fracture clinic.’

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Posted: Apr 14th, 2011
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Campaign launched to fight for ‘right to become senile’

Soon-to-be pensioners have reacted with disappointment at the increase in the retirement age and are planning a challenge under the Human Rights Act, claiming that the Government is denying them their sacred right to descend into obscurity, social isolation and dementia by raising the retirement age.

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Posted: Jan 17th, 2011
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Police launch grannies decoy plan to cut crime

‘You should’ve seen the look on his face when I straightened up and smacked him round the head with my handbag.’

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Posted: Oct 25th, 2010
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