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Posts Tagged ‘Olympics’

Glasgow to be ‘nuked’ during Commonwealth Closing Ceremony

'That's one in the eye for Cameron!'A global audience, set to be in the millions, will witness a lavish TV spectacle combining mediocre athletics, the smugness of Alex Salmond and a ‘much needed’ nuclear deterrent. Glasgow is already committed to demolishing its iconic Red Road flats for the Opening Ceremony but has now been given the ‘green light’ to unleash atomic devastation on the remains of the city, leaving nothing but a deep-fried mushroom cloud in its place.

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Posted: Apr 4th, 2014
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Next country to be invaded by Russia during an Olympics to be named

The result of the bidding to be the next country to be invaded by Russia during an Olympics are set to be announced at a glitzy ceremony in St Tropez later today.

The competition hasn’t been as fierce as expected in the race to follow in the footsteps of Poland in 1920, Hungary in 1956, the 1968 event in Czechoslovakia and the more recent hosts Georgia and Ukraine as had been expected.

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Posted: Mar 7th, 2014
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Cockroach tells of ‘terrifying ordeal’ in restaurant shooting

A cockroach took the stand today to give evidence in the trial of South African athlete Oscar Pistorius. The roach told a hushed courtroom how it lay cowering on the floor under a restaurant table while the defendant wielded a loaded gun, before firing a shot that narrowly missed the insect’s body but took off both of its rear legs.

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Posted: Mar 7th, 2014
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Coalition Olympic legacy ‘not as memorable as Putin’s’

David Cameron is today under pressure to explain why, two years on, the Coalition government has yet to take full advantage of the UK’s Olympic legacy.

Unfavourable comparisons have been drawn after Russia rode the wave of post-Sochi euphoria across the Ukrainian border, deep into the heart of Crimea.

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Posted: Mar 2nd, 2014
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Ironman triathlete admits 24-hour TV presenting marathon was ‘Really hard’

Van Lierde, who swims over two miles, cycles 112 miles and runs a full 26 mile marathon in his event, was visibly exhausted as he gave his final wave and smile to viewers at the end of his epic stint of presenting

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Posted: Feb 17th, 2014
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