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The government put on a special homoerotic display of force in the capital this week, as boats loaded with heavily armed burly looking men roamed the waters of London. Sailing down the Thames with expensive looking weaponry, groups of professional psychopaths wanted to make an effort to reassure Daily Mail readers, as well as scare ‘anyone who looks foreign’, as a neurotic capital prepares to go fully hysterical about the prospect of terrorism during the Olympics.

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Posted: Jan 20th, 2012
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UK spirit producers have welcomed the announcement of the 2012 Paralytic Games squad in advance of the gigantic drinking contest which will take place in London.

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Posted: Dec 31st, 2011
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Lord Coe has announced the official route of the Olympic torch, which will bring the boring spectacle of a burning stick to many parts of the UK. Much of the route passes through towns so far from London that the event won’t cause a whiff of interest, but even the Home Counties are expected to be underwhelmed by the sight of a man carrying a big match while being followed by a van with its hazard lights on.

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Posted: Nov 7th, 2011
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The unveiling of the official London 2012 posters has caused chaos and downright fear as people attempt to work what is going on the various canvases.
’Leading UK artists’ like Tracy Emin and Chris Ofili have contributed to the selection of artwork which generally shows incomprehensible shapes and figures set against a background of swirling catastrophe [...]

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Posted: Nov 7th, 2011
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‘As you’d expect, my officers are on high alert for slightly foreign-looking gentlemen showing any interest at all in the Olympics”, explained Chief Inspector Midsomer.

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Posted: Oct 10th, 2011
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