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Posts Tagged ‘Orange’

‘Squashed Satsuma and Some Walnuts’ is this year’s top Christmas must-have

extra nut to be included in next year's upgradeEager shoppers are setting up camp outside greengrocers along the length and breadth of the country today in order to be first in the queue for the release of this year’s must-have Christmas gift: a squashed satsuma and some walnuts.

‘2013 is the year of nostalgia,’ believes Julia Franklin of Frankiln’s Festive Supplies. ‘Nothing beats the magic, after tossing aside the rest of your presents, of reaching down to the bottom of your stocking, pillow case or, increasingly these days, bin liner, to find the remnants of a small citrus fruit smeared over a walnut. It knocks your Playstation 4 into a cocked hat – cocked paper hats being another top seller this year.’

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Posted: Dec 3rd, 2013
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Tech support companies slam school-leavers’ lack of sarcasm skills

IT support call centres and high-street computer and telephone retailers today called on the government to radically improve the smirking, sneering, eye-rolling and ironic intonation abilities of Britain’s young people.

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Posted: Jul 4th, 2011
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West End musical flash mobbed by commuters

Last night’s high-energy and carefully choreographed performance of Priscilla Queen of the Desert was destroyed by a motley crowd of bored commuters wandering on stage, looking up train departure information and tapping their watches.

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Posted: Jul 19th, 2009
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