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Posts Tagged ‘Osama Bin Laden’

Al-Qaeda postpones terror campaign until end of Strictly and X-Factor

bombing Dusseldorf to wait until Anne's danced the rumbaAl-Qaeda is struggling to secure sufficient numbers of bombers during the current series of Strictly Come Dancing and X-Factor.

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Posted: Nov 25th, 2013
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West Ham supporters to spice up Muslim rioters’ chants

The collaboration has led to new chants for the rioters, including ‘When the Mullahs come marching in’ and ‘I’m forever blowing up infidels’.

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Posted: Sep 17th, 2012
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Bin Laden papers show a man ‘persuaded that America is best’

Health care proposals 'brilliant', says dead terroristNewly released papers from Osama Bin Laden’s hideout reveal a leader living in fear of the ‘mad skillz’ of the US Navy SEALs and struggling to control an unruly network, the US military says.

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Posted: May 10th, 2012
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Selection process for top al-Qaeda job ‘unfair’ insist rejected candidates

'Who's a great boss? Me. Guilty as charged.'The world’s leading international terrorism franchise, al-Qaeda, has today encountered renewed criticism from equality and diversity groups over the fairness and transparency of its employment processes.

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Posted: Jun 18th, 2011
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James Bond resigns from MI5 citing ‘too much paperwork’

ready to killJames Bond, the secret agent formerly known as 007, has resigned from MI5, citing excessive paperwork, political correctness and boring villain’s lairs as making his life as a government assassin unbearable.

‘When I started out as a hired killer for the UK goverment, I was given a gun and allowed to take out anyone I liked. I fought the real super-villains, who built rocket launching sites inside volcanoes, supertankers that swallowed submarines, space stations and the like – most of them with monorails. On the way, I could have unprotected sex with any woman I fancied. But the assassination of Osama bin Laden shows how frustrating having a license to kill has become.’

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Posted: May 19th, 2011
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