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Posts Tagged ‘Osama Bin Laden’

James Bond resigns from MI5 citing ‘too much paperwork’

ready to killJames Bond, the secret agent formerly known as 007, has resigned from MI5, citing excessive paperwork, political correctness and boring villain’s lairs as making his life as a government assassin unbearable.

‘When I started out as a hired killer for the UK goverment, I was given a gun and allowed to take out anyone I liked. I fought the real super-villains, who built rocket launching sites inside volcanoes, supertankers that swallowed submarines, space stations and the like – most of them with monorails. On the way, I could have unprotected sex with any woman I fancied. But the assassination of Osama bin Laden shows how frustrating having a license to kill has become.’

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Posted: May 19th, 2011
More from Celebrity



Submerged Bin Laden model now ‘most popular aquarium decoration’

CIA advises that tank still needs cleaningA sunken model of the former Al Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden has proved a hit with aquarium owners who more normally decorate their fish tanks with shipwrecks or little castles. Suppliers have confirmed that the figure, a faithful reproduction rendered in tank safe ceramics and non toxic paint, is outselling many other popular fish tank decorations, including the mermaid and aerating treasure chest.

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Posted: May 15th, 2011
More from World News



Pakistani authorities ‘had no idea’ Royal couple were honeymooning in Abbottabad

‘We had absolutely no knowledge that William and Kate were in the country,’ said a spokesman for the Pakistan government, thus confirming beyond doubt that the Royal couple are in Abbottabad.

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Posted: May 11th, 2011
More from News In Brief



‘Good Housekeeping’ attacks Bin Laden’s wives for messy home

‘The lounge where he watched the television was a complete disgrace,’ said editor Jeramia Jones. ‘With three wives, you’d think one of them would have got a duster out.’

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Posted: May 10th, 2011
More from News In Brief



Mounting sympathy for Bin Laden over 12-inch TV set

The Pentagon’s decision to release home videos of Osama bin Laden’s life in his Pakistan compound has backfired following growing public concern over the small television set the leader of al-Qaeda had to make do with to watch his favourite programmes.

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Posted: May 9th, 2011
More from News In Brief