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Posts Tagged ‘Oscar Pistorius’

Athlete with two artificial legs ‘was actually a horse’

hoping to prove the nay-sayers wrongAn athlete has today been banned from competing in the Paralympic Games after medical experts became suspicious of his claim to have two artificial legs when photographic evidence showed he still had two legs of his own.

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Posted: Aug 12th, 2015
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Olympic Games to include shooting fish in a barrel after Pistorius verdict

so there you goAfter the landmark ruling by Judge Thokozile Masipa that the killing of Reeva Steenkamp cannot be declared ‘murder’, the International Olympic Committee is considering proposals to introduce new sports to the next Games. High on the list are ‘hitting a barn door with a banjo’, and ‘shooting fish in a barrel’.

The latter proposal has attracted lucrative sponsorship deals from the NRA, with outline competition criteria already in place. A single dead fish among 500 packed into a 3-foot diameter barrel has been set as the ‘entry-level’ qualification for athletes. Competitors will be allowed at least 4 shots per round, and should be standing really close to the barrel, which must be locked to prevent the fish escaping.

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Posted: Sep 16th, 2014
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NRA criticises Steenkamp for using the toilet unarmed

The National Rifle Association has issued a statement criticising Reeva Steenkamp for not carrying a loaded handgun with her into the toilet before being fatally shot by her boyfriend Oscar Pistorius. NRA executive vice-president Wayne LaPierre said that he never takes off his gun belt.

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Posted: Jul 3rd, 2014
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Pistorius ‘held in contempt’ for rubbish Parker impressions

In a dramatic legal twist today the trial of Oscar Pistorius was halted after the whole proceedings were judged to be ‘frankly taking the piss’.

The case was halted after Pistorius rather over-did the ‘Parker off Thunderbirds’ impressions that he had been coerced into as part of a plea bargain.

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Posted: Apr 17th, 2014
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‘I thought Polonius was an intruder’ Hamlet tells prosecution

The Prince of Denmark has told his murder trial that his future father-in-law, Polonius did not scream or shout as he took his sword and stabbed him through the arras.

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Posted: Apr 17th, 2014
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