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Posts Tagged ‘Owen Patterson’

Environment Agency launches new ‘Help to Sell’ scheme

dynamic, affordable housing...In the face of mounting public criticism, the government has rushed out a new property initiative to complement the popular ‘Help to Buy’ scheme, with particular emphasis on first-time flood victims.

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Posted: Feb 7th, 2014
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Giant sponge dropped on Somerset

The world’s largest sponge was dramatically dropped onto Somerset last night by the Environment Agency’s specialist aerial bombardment unit. Officials have reportedly been instructed by Ministers to ‘think the unthinkable’ in order to limit flood damage after standard responses such as sandbagging and beseeching the Almighty proved ineffective.

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Posted: Feb 4th, 2014
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‘No lasting damage done in Somerset’ says thankful Environment Minister

Owen Patterson’s valet claims it took him nearly an hour to polish the Environment Minister’s brogues following his recent visit to the Somerset flood plains.
The valet told the Commons Expense Claims Committee that it took the best part of a £1.40 tin of Kiwi light-tan shoe polish to restore the brogues to their former glory.

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Posted: Jan 30th, 2014
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