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Posts Tagged ‘Palestine’

Israel to build settlements ‘up William Hague’s nose’

And was Jerusalem, buildeth thar....The Israeli government has announced its intention to build 1000 new dwellings up William Hague’s nose. Foreign Secretary William Hague says he is ‘monitoring the situation’ but told the Commons ‘further action could upset the balance in the Middle East at a difficult time, and despite personal discomfort, and the alleged illegality of the building, we think the best option is to maintain calm and keep a watchful eye on developments in my nose.’

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Posted: Aug 14th, 2013
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Middle East crisis solved on Twitter

Netanyahu still hasn't been toldThere were jubilant scenes across the Middle East last night, as the bitter dispute between Israel and its Arab neighbours finally ended, thanks to a series of Tweets from two individuals on opposite sides of the argument.

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Posted: Dec 7th, 2012
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District Council turns down Israeli planning application for 3000 new homes

‘As council leaders we were worried about the loss of visual amenity to local people and the pressure it would put on local roads and schools. We are committed to keeping the green belt intact at all costs’.

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Posted: Dec 5th, 2012
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Laboratoires Garnier chosen to test Arafat remains

A spokesbeauty for Garnier said, ‘We suspect polonium-210, but we’re not ruling out other possibilities, such as alpha hydroxy acids, pro-retinol, jojoba oil, pH-balancing rhino jizz or even aqua.’

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Posted: Nov 30th, 2012
More from News In Brief


Nations begin traditional Christmas warfare

potential for worst nuclear winter since records beganCountries around the world have begun bombing each other in the run up to Christmas.
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Posted: Nov 19th, 2012
More from World News


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