After countless ceasefires have been broken, UN peacebrokers are proposing a 30 second ceasefire, timed for 4am on a Tuesday, in the hope that this time all participants might be able to actually resist firing for the entire duration of the ceasefire, and it won’t be necessary to sigh and report about another ceasefire ‘broken’.
Posted: Jul 18th, 2014
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Middle-east negotiators have told journalists how they hope to broker a ceasefire agreement by reminding both sides that they share a love of Quorn meat-free products.
‘We were desperately trying to come up with some common ground over breakfast yesterday morning,’ explained UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon. ‘Just as I was popping a piece of succulent pork sausage into my mouth I suddenly thought, neither the Israelis nor the Palestinians would be able to do that. Then it hit me – they both probably love Quorn sausages instead! They’ve got no pork in them, they’re perfect for both religions.’
Posted: Jul 17th, 2014
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‘It’s all so silly really when you think about it. It’s only religion, history and land; what’s to fall out about?’
Posted: Apr 22nd, 2014
More from From The Archives
Countries around the world have begun bombing each other in the run up to Christmas.
Posted: Dec 19th, 2013
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The Israeli government has announced its intention to build 1000 new dwellings up William Hague’s nose. Foreign Secretary William Hague says he is ‘monitoring the situation’ but told the Commons ‘further action could upset the balance in the Middle East at a difficult time, and despite personal discomfort, and the alleged illegality of the building, we think the best option is to maintain calm and keep a watchful eye on developments in my nose.’
Posted: Aug 14th, 2013
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