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Posts Tagged ‘Palestine’

Blair retires as Middle East Peace Envoy; ‘my work is done’

There was a champagne reception for Tony Blair yesterday as he left his post as Middle East Peace envoy surrounded by bouquets and cards congratulating him on a job well done.

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Posted: Jan 9th, 2015
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Jeremy Kyle sent to broker Middle East peace deal

‘Perhaps Israel can have Gaza during the week and Palestine at weekends?’ suggested Kyle optimistically.

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Posted: Jan 4th, 2015
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Jews withdraw from Israel admitting ‘it’s not really worked out’

Israel’s Prime Minister, Ehud Olmert, announced that the Jewish people are to withdraw from Israel explaining that the whole ‘Holy Land/Chosen People’ thing had all been a lot more trouble than it was worth and that it might be better for all concerned if they simply went and lived in Brooklyn.

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Posted: Dec 30th, 2014
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Arab-Israeli conflict settled as Netanyahu & Hamas meet for ‘a few cheeky pints’

all it took was a decent manly seshBenjamin Netanyahu and Hamas leader Khaled Mashal last night announced a lasting settlement to the Israeli-Palestine conflict following a night of negotiations over eight pints of Fosters in the Lamb and Flag pub, Walthamstow.

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Posted: Nov 25th, 2014
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Urgent call for cease-ceasefire in Gaza

Israel and Hamas should call a halt to the seemingly endless cycle of damaging ceasefires and return to normal hostilities as soon as possible, a consortium of global arms manufacturers and governments has said.

A group of leading weapons manufacturers and distributors from around the globe has spoken out about the challenges to the industry presented by ‘totally disproportionate’ attempts to resort to peace. ‘How are we supposed to carry on with our work when we don’t know whether they’re bombing each other or temporarily not bombing each other?’ demanded a spokesman. ‘We’ve got families to think about. Ours, not theirs, obviously.’

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Posted: Aug 2nd, 2014
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