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Posts Tagged ‘Palestine’

Gaza ceasefire made possible by shared love of Quorn

the basis for a two-course solutionMiddle-east negotiators have told journalists how they hope to broker a ceasefire agreement by reminding both sides that they share a love of Quorn meat-free products.

‘We were desperately trying to come up with some common ground over breakfast yesterday morning,’ explained UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon. ‘Just as I was popping a piece of succulent pork sausage into my mouth I suddenly thought, neither the Israelis nor the Palestinians would be able to do that. Then it hit me – they both probably love Quorn sausages instead! They’ve got no pork in them, they’re perfect for both religions.’

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Posted: Jul 17th, 2014
More from World News



Israel to build settlements ‘up William Hague’s nose’

And was Jerusalem, buildeth thar....The Israeli government has announced its intention to build 1000 new dwellings up William Hague’s nose. Foreign Secretary William Hague says he is ‘monitoring the situation’ but told the Commons ‘further action could upset the balance in the Middle East at a difficult time, and despite personal discomfort, and the alleged illegality of the building, we think the best option is to maintain calm and keep a watchful eye on developments in my nose.’

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Posted: Aug 14th, 2013
More from World News



Middle East crisis solved on Twitter

Netanyahu still hasn't been toldThere were jubilant scenes across the Middle East last night, as the bitter dispute between Israel and its Arab neighbours finally ended, thanks to a series of Tweets from two individuals on opposite sides of the argument.

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Posted: Dec 7th, 2012
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District Council turns down Israeli planning application for 3000 new homes

‘As council leaders we were worried about the loss of visual amenity to local people and the pressure it would put on local roads and schools. We are committed to keeping the green belt intact at all costs’.

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Posted: Dec 5th, 2012
More from News In Brief



Laboratoires Garnier chosen to test Arafat remains

A spokesbeauty for Garnier said, ‘We suspect polonium-210, but we’re not ruling out other possibilities, such as alpha hydroxy acids, pro-retinol, jojoba oil, pH-balancing rhino jizz or even aqua.’

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Posted: Nov 30th, 2012
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